Facebook’s personal robot at your service

Because basketball game updates just don’t cut it

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Picture it: it’s 4 pm on a Sunday afternoon. You’re in a state of post-Fab hangover and feeling less than fresh. There’s a bundle of decisions that you may or may not regret emerging from the VK slush that is your brain. It has already taken you several hours just to sluggishly worm out of bed and down a glass of water; there is no way you have the energy to cook. In your current state, your main aim is to order that Domino’s while at the same time using as little energy as possible.

Watching “Dom” spend five whole minutes on quality check

Now instead of navigating an app or website you simply open Facebook messenger; your very own personal bot deals with the order.

Anything you want simply by messaging it- cool, no? This and much more will be possible when Facebook releases the Bot Store for its messenger app; all to be unveiled at an upcoming developer conference on 12th April. Many view this to be a revolution in technology, with the social media giant’s messenger app having capabilities far beyond our soon-to-be retro messaging.

What will this update (literally) bring to the table?

Soon you will be able to order your takeaway in the most convenient way to date. Forget the likes of Hungry House, all you will need to do is tell the automated bot your order via the messenger app. You will even be able to book cinema tickets, order that taxi to Snobs, check in for flights, and fearfully check your bank balance the morning after a night out; all by messaging a smart conversational robot.

The advancement of technology, people

The days of having to painstakingly go onto a website and order an item are behind us. No longer do we have to waste time typing in our bank details and checking out- the future is here. It may not be the hover boards envisaged in Back to the Future but we can’t have everything. Hover cars, anyone?

I’m still impressed, even if Marty McFly wouldn’t be. The uses are universal.

The death of apps

It is mostly speculated that the aim behind this move is to eliminate the need for apps and browsers, allowing us to have everything  on one platform. Which is a bit scary really. Facebook has certainly come a long way  on that yellow-brick-road from Zuckerberg’s Harvard uni bedroom.

Oh, how you’ve risen Zuckers

This idea will essentially transform the social media platform into something far more widespread in our everyday lives , casting a shadow, the size of Old Joe, on apps everywhere. As to how badly this will affect apps we will not know until the Bot Store is launched.

Possible negatives

Well, and I don’t know about you, but I wouldn’t like to store my credit card details on Facebook.

With so many “un-hackable” companies being successfully breached such as the Apple iCloud scandal, someone could seize your info and nick your loan.  I don’t care how safe they claim to be. We believed Apple was unhackable. We believed the Titanic was unsinkable. At the end of the day, it’s a risky goddamn business I’m afraid.

If hacking becomes easier IT’S A NO FROM ME

Whether or not it’s necessary to save the 30 seconds you’d spend opening a website, is a real quandary because it questions the entire basis for FB’s new invention. Don’t get me wrong there’s no denying that this is an impressive concept and it’ll be interesting to see what terrible jokes you can play on a new sarcastic automated  system (Cue “Where do I hide the body, Siri”?). But, if you’re reading this Mark, I think it’s about time someone told you to quit beating around the bush and just give us that dislike button. That’s what we’re waiting for.

Perhaps the most important question of all is have we really become SO lazy that we can’t spare that 30 seconds to open an app, or order our uber from pre’s in three clicks? Pers-on-al spoon-fee-ding at-your-ser-vice.