Our toaster was stolen after a house party

Is it in a butter place now?

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It was a normal Saturday morning, the sun was shining, the grass was green, yet the residency of one flat on the vale were groggy, full of regret, and had the kind of hunger that could only be fixed by a nice bit of toast. The party had gone well, everyone agreed, nothing of value had been stolen and only one visiting brother had gone missing… Or so they thought.

Meet Heather, a first year chemistry student, and lover of toast. On Saturday morning, Heather opened her freezer, got out two pieces of bread and walked over to the toaster only to find out her beautiful, shiny little fellow wasn’t there. Someone had stolen one of the most valuable possessions available to a student.

Some of you may be asking yourself, ‘why am I reading about a toaster?’, but let me tell you, this isn’t just any toaster. It’s red, lights up, and makes pretty amazing toast really quickly. We’ll stop at nothing to get it back.


There it is. Sitting there. Watching over us.

We launched a huge social media campaign to get the beautiful object back home and started with Facebook. We received a touching response from around the world after posting the missing toaster on the Fab N Fresh page…

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However, after not much success, we moved our campaign over to Yik Yak, could we possibly get the news that the toaster is safe and well? No, all we received was an onslaught of hate…


And now, our last resort is the amazing Tab – hopefully they can help us locate it – honestly, it feels like part of the family is missing. Things just haven’t been the same without it.

So, a message to the toaster’s new owners: I don’t know who you are. I don’t know what you want. If you are looking for ransom, I can tell you I don’t have money. But what I do have are a very particular set of skills, skills I have acquired over a very long career.

Skills that mainly consist of moaning on social media, but we will find you anyway.

We’ve contacted the Vale accommodation team, and if we’re lucky, they’ll review the CCTV footage and see the culprit smuggling our little red friend out of his home and away from his family. Come forward now; we want our toaster back and will rest at nothing…