How to avoid a hangover
This will change your life
Hangovers. They come in many shapes and sizes and can range from the pesky head spinners following a relatively small scale trip to the pub, all the way to the stomach churning, eyeball aching states following an over-indulgence on vodka that leaves you bed ridden for what feels like eternity, twisting and writhing like that girl from the Exorcist. Luckily enough for me I can put away a fair bit of booze (lad) and feel relatively fresh the next morning because I follow a stringent code of anti-hangover tips passed down by generations of alcoholics.
Before we start, I must clarify – this only really applies to your standard Stuesday’s/Sports Night out, when the next day you’ve got lots of glorious seminars. There are indeed exceptions, nights when one will get – and I think the official medical term is ‘fucked up’; the following day spent nursing your stomach and shame is all you can humanely do. But if you’re just about to head out to Snobs and have that 9am/10am you’re dreading then give this a quick skim, take note and head out with your head held high, and belly brimming with confidence (and other toxic liquids).
Embrace the 9am with gusto and relish
Sometimes acceptance is the best form of avoidance. This is a feeling you’ll remember from Freshers’ Week. If you’ve been brave enough to head onto campus at such an early hour, just accept the fact that you’re still going to be pissed whilst in your seminar. Sit there stewing, and remember – everyone knows you’re still drunk, but who the fuck cares? At least you’ve got the balls to actually come this far. Keep a stupid fake grin plastered across your face, and class participation to a minimum. If you try and speak, it’ll be a struggle for your fast dissolving brain to find the words, so don’t…
Get up at 11am
If you’ve got a later start, still force yourself up at this sacred time. There’s nothing worse than a bed wallower. Bang on some music, throw back the sheets, blow away the cobwebs with a couple of coffees, and jump in the shower. By the time you get out you’ll feel fine. Any earlier, you’ll still be in ‘drunk territory’, any later, ‘lazy shit’ territory.
Rub it in your friend’s faces
Schadenfreude is a glorious thing. There certainly is nothing better than seeing your mate suffering from the previous nights decadence while you’re feeling nice and dandy. Pity your friend that gets hungover from one thimbleful of shandy… Thank God you’re not them.
Avoid shitty food
This is an obvious one, there is simply nothing worse than post-night out ‘Roosters fever’. DO NOT, get this chicken temptation. Walking back through Selly is like a minefield for fried goodies, you’re Jesus getting tempted by that red-horned bloke. Don’t bow to the devilish Dixy, instead stride on by past the glazed, mayo ridden faces of the unfortunate.
Stick to beer or cider
This is a controversial one. But let’s face it, if you’re a guzzler like me, and a drink doesn’t stay in your hand longer than a minute, there’s nothing safer than a good old reliable Budweiser. You know where you stand with beer, each can is a solid pacemaker for the ensuing night, blacking out will take too many cans and you simply will not have the financial capital for this monumental feat. Spirits on the other hand can be deceptive, if you have too much too soon, the nights a right off, and your stomach the following morning will resemble a war zone.
Don’t take a nap
Once you’re up, you’re up. Don’t do the opposite of what Chumbawumba said and stay down, instead rise. You’ve done the hard part. Napping is perilous. A five minute snooze can turn into a 3 hour coma, you’ll emerge discombobulated feeling worse for wear. Instead, fight on through the day, and have an early night, you’ll rest easy knowing you’ve had a productive day.
Or… drink Oranjeboom
Whilst I’ve been at Uni, have I found myself? Found a career? Found a degree I truly care about? The answer is no on three counts. What I have found is Oranjeboom. University Superstore sells x4 for a fiver, and sipping it slowly during your pres will get your riotously drunk yet render you hangover free the following morning. To put this sheer liquid wonderment in context I used to spend £13-15 on 10 Budweisers; this discovery has quite simply changed my life. Please try.
A hangover is usually a construction of the mind. By following those tips for the night, the day after you’ll go from a bed ridden, Domino’s eating, sock wanking, Netflix gorging hippo to a hungover free student in the blink of an eye.
Remember, it’s all in yer head.