Camp America is by far the best way to spend your summer

Ok I get it, I’ve had to listen to it a million times over, I’ve been hit with the Camp America plague and it’s time I finally spoke up and admitted it. For anyone lucky enough to get involved, camp  was the best time of our lives. Unless you’ve done Camp America you won’t get it, but try and believe me if you can, every experience in real life applies to something that happened during the two month summer we spent gallivanting around the States. We probably talk about it too much and are mocked for it but, really, such amazing experiences have to be shared.

Getting that hired form at the recruitment fair is like getting a golden ticket

People are running and screaming, it’s a jungle, it’s a race and you are Mo Farrah, see ya later suckers I’m going to Muuuuuurica.

You live in glorified sheds

Your bed is your house, your corner is your area and you wouldn’t have it any other way. But you don’t care what anyone has to say, because for 3 months of the year you get to live in the real life Parent trap and the only bad thing about it is that you have to wait a whole year to go back.

You begin to appreciate Walmart is the best place on Earth

Fan – check
Chest of drawers – check
A triple pack of watermelon sour patch kids – check
Towels mum forgot to pack – check
Unnecessary shit that you will never use but think you need at the time – check, check, check.

One of your kids will get lice

And you will have to take them to get it treated, and the likelihood is you will catch it and give it to the boy you have been hooking up with.

At one point you will dress up like a complete idiot and embarrass yourself

It’s inevitable.

Dessert after every meal is the best thing

Three brownies after lunch? Yeah sure I’ll take them, a snack of a packet of crisps and some Oreos mid afternoon? It’d be rude to say no, apple crumble for dinner? A little cant hurt, right? Wrong. You come back five stone heavier. No wonder so many Americans suffer from obesity.

Days off are your saving grace

“Emma can you take me to the infirmary, I’m not feeling too good.”

“Don’t talk to me it’s my day off.”

You’ll meet the Hallie to your Annie (or maybe if you’re lucky, more than one)

And you will probably spend the rest of your life staying up until 3am to catch her at a good time to FaceTime.

You will consume your body weight in ice cream

Yeah, I’ll take a large coffee Oreo with peanut butter cups and sprinkles.

Camp gossip spreads faster than herpes

“Did you see Kacey and Jay come up from Boys field last night?”

“Yeah! But I thought he was hooking up with Nat?!”

“Wait I thought Nat was hooking up with Sam?”

“Doesn’t Sam have a girlfriend back home?!”

You start using American slang

“Yeah they were hooking up and then they went on a date to the mal.l”

“She’s such a thot.”

“Word.”

You understand every single American is annoyingly patriotic about their country

Just don’t bother leaving your bunk on the fourth of July or risk having “USA! USA! US!” chanted in your face while you smile and drift away thinking about a hot cuppa and rainy weather.

You learn to live among the animals

Hello very huge enormous spider that I am trying not to freak out over taking up MY WHOLE BLOODY SHOWER, good afternoon beetle chilling in my bed, Yeah sure I would love to hang out bird that has managed to make itself at home in the eaves of my bunk.

Do not underestimate the power of ‘camp goggles’

In reality the American boy you think looks like Zac Efron really just looks like a thinner version of Jonah Hill.

American’s really, really love country music

Knowing Taylor Swift’s song Tim McGraw and listening to Tim McGraw are two very different things apparently.