Hermit Watch: The conspiracy theories

When The Tab met the Hermit, it was an incognito affair. Refusing to trust us with his name, the Hermit casually Facebook stalked two of The Tab’s finest writers in order to identify them the following day. The mysterious meeting took place by the lifts. The Hermit was seven minutes late.

As the intrigue increases, even we at The Tab are becoming less and less sure that the person we met was the true Hermit. Could he have been a decoy, bribed by the real Hermit to throw us off scent? Is the Hermit even a male? It turns out many of you have similar concerns…

The Theories:

1. Fact or Fiction?

Likeeeee does he even go here?

It seems some think the big guns at UoB are behind the Hermit story, is this David Eastwood’s idea of a sick joke?

Tal said: “The Hermit’s just a figment of our imagination; the Uni have invented him to lure us into the library during exam time,” said this amateur sleuth.

2. It’s Impossible

“He doesn’t exist. And if he does exist, he’s aiming for the impossible. How does it work that he needs just 72% for a pass?”

“If she or he is actually here, why would they spend so much time on Facebook?”

How does someone aiming for 72% have time for all that socialising, we at the Tab hear he responds faithfully to every inbox. Procrastination at its worst.

Hermit or ladies man?

3. He can’t prove it

Asher and Emily said: “His brother’s not going to give him the 30 grand because he’ll have no proof of him carrying it out. His housemates could lie for him.”

Say whatttttttttt, Hermit who?

4. Case of Mistaken Identity

It seems everyone and their dog claims to have identified the hermit, as one person put it, “My friend showed me him. He’s blonde, he’s got long hair and he was just sitting in the computer area”.

Another student we asked responded with “I thought I found him sleeping on the sofas in the lounge. He was Chinese, though”.

Although another source is SURE the hermit regularly frequents the sauna of 1C, maybe there are multiple hermits?

Is this the hermit? IT COULD BE ANYONE

The Library Cafe staff DON’T EVEN KNOW, but he knows them…

Who wants all the rocky roads? IS IT YOU?

But, if his facebook post is right, then we do not have long to wait to see what the truth behind the Hermit is. Hermit, if you are reading, good luck, and we look forward to finding out what the fuck is going on…

Us and Amy are waiting for the 6th June with baited breath