Brum Snatches Bronze in Bonking survey

After a rip roaring year of being named ‘Best City to Visit’ as well as playing host to the Sunday Times ‘University of Year’, you may think that no more could fit in Birmingham’s bursting trophy cabinet, but you’d be very mistaken!

In a survey aimed at highlighting the risk of STI’s among the population, it’s been found that Britain’s second city is the third best place for a bang (with no strings attached), with residents 11% more likely to roger a randomer.

In doing so we swept aside local rivals Coventry (9%) and demolished naughty Newcastle who came in with a mere 4%. Stick that in your pipe and smoke it, Geordie Shore.

Even celebrities have got in on the action with MIC Spenny Matthews partaking in a steamy Selly Oak romp

But don’t get too cocky…we were merely distant runners up to victorious Swansea, who topped the table with a whopping 19%.

It seems that after losing out in the race for the title of ‘UK’s City of Culture 2017’, the people of Swansea showed their true class by going on a rutting rampage and storming to the title. An ample consolation prize indeed.

Welcome to Swansea or as the locals say ‘Croeso i Abertawe!’ between mouthfuls

The survey also discovered the startling truth that 13% of people had engaged in unprotected sex with someone they didn’t know.

Dr Nitin Shori, who commissioned the survey, explained how the symptoms of STI’s are “often silent or easily mistaken, meaning infection could be left unnoticed and spread to others.

“Chlamydia is a prime example of this – it is common for symptoms to be vague and ignored, but it can have considerable health implications, including infertility in women.”

Dr. Shori also implored people with symptoms to seek help as soon as possible as “early detection and treatment is always advisable.”

Chlamydia tops the list as the most common STI with 200,000 cases being reported annually in England.

We at The Tab care about your health and ask that before you settle down for some slap and tickle, that you please do as you would on a cold winter’s day and wrap up sensibly.