UoB Library Folk

The library is perhaps the most diverse place on campus and it would be hard to go your three years at UOB without venturing in just once (although some do manage.) Which means that you will almost certainly encounter at least one of these pleasant library folk.

Loving life in the library

To us students, seeing someone over the age of 25 on campus (who isn’t a lecturer) is normally enough to make us stop and stare. Occasionally in the library, you will find a very old man or woman who seems to have escaped from their sheltered accommodation. They love to stand around and natter, or complain bitterly about ‘young people today.’

Most likely to be found in: Short Loans section or at the Help Desk.

Asleep at the computer…that’s not annoying at all

Fair enough, the library is the best place to take a nap on campus, but the amount of people who seem to use the library as their bedroom is getting out of control. Your typical library napper will often be sleeping just next to that plug you need. If you’re unlucky, they will start snoring and dribbling.

go home

Most likely to be asleep in/on: the sofas in the iLounge/the tables in the main area

The Loud Chewer always can be spotted by his or her open packet of crisps that they display by their work. They will rustle this packet and then make exaggerated chewing sounds. If you turn to look at them, the chewing ceases and just when you think the trauma is over, he or she will begin again. Often they will pop off to the café to purchase another noise-making, packeted piece of food. Of course, you sit by them on the day that you have forgotten your Ipod.

Crisps- one of the most irritating foods consumed in the library

Most likely to be found in: any of the quiet areas.

This means nothing to a lot of people

This group of annoying, giggly girls will have forgotten what the library is for, and will subject you to a broadcast of the ‘Oh my god, guess what happened to me at Fab…’ radio show. You will learn every detail of their life; including where they are going out on Thursday and their bra size. They will usually take up two computers and get no further than the login screen.

Most likely to be found in: Extremely frustratingly, anytime or anywhere you actually need to get some serious work done. Shut up.

The typical library heartthrob normally has an iPod permanently in his ears, an incredible work ethic and an amazing aversion to your longing gaze. Every-time a computer frees up next to him, someone will move into it before you can even shut your book. At various points during your two hour long, unrequited love affair, a gaggle of pretty girls will come over to him and flick their hair. He will talk smoothly, yet never once show an interest in any of them (or you.)

Most likely to be breaking hearts in: The Orange Room

Staring Sally…

Staring Sally will sit opposite you in a booth, and stare at you through the grates. Every time you look up, she will look down. She has terrifying eyes and is all alone.

The Lurking Lurker hangs around the area where you work, moving chairs, making unnecessary noise and walking in and out. You can feel his presence behind you, but every time you turn around he is gone.

Most likely to be found in: LGC

smug much?

Perhaps the easiest to spot of the library characters, this guy or girl will have their iPhone, Macbook Pro and iPod spread out over a desk like an advert that says ‘please steal me.’ They will throw you and your desktop sized laptop a pitiful glance and then ask you to watch their stuff whilst they pop to Starbucks for half an hour. Suddenly, you feel like the security guard in charge of the crown jewels. Panic-stricken, you abandon your work and valuables in an effort to protect your new friend’s stuff from the library thieves.

must-guard-stranger’s-macbook-until-they-return

Most likely to be found: anywhere in the Library

The computer situation in the library on any given weekday resembles the Fab ticket situation on a Saturday daytime; people are desperate and willing to go to extreme measures. Of course, there will be one guy or girl proudly answering their Facebook messages, or worst still, Facebook stalking themselves whilst you lose precious essay time.

Most likely to be found in: Anywhere with a computer shortage- so everywhere in the Library