How to pull a brown-boot-checked-shirt-wearing Culchie at university
“How’s she cuttin?” is a great conversation starter
If you're a townie strolling through any university area in Northern Ireland, you're going to come across a rare breed you may have never encountered before: The Culchie. Their hard-to-understand accent, 'unique' style and their friendly nod as you pass them makes them somewhat intriguiging. I don't know if you know this, but these farmer types tend to be rolling in it… yes, I am talking about money, not animal dung (although that has been known to happen). Therefore, here is a guide on how to court a culchie at university:
Expand your tractor knowledge, but don’t pick a favourite until you know what theirs is
Tractors are serious business to a true born n bred culchie. Don't be deceived into the idea that they're just a useful tool for farming, they're a true passion for many country folk. And the competition is rife, whether they be a green John Deere, a blue New Holland, or a red Massey, your chosen preference could either bring an abrupt end to any conversation or start a life long relationship.
Ask them out to the Balmoral Show
Ah, the annual gathering of the country's culchies. Nothing better than a day out to the Balmoral Show to get a taste of local produce, see the new farming tech and, of course, get waaaay too into the sheep shearing competition.
Update your Spotify playlists: Richie Remo and Derek Ryan will be your new favourites
The whole cancelled Garth Brooks gigs fiasco are still very much a touchy subject, best to avoid such a subject… however, don't feel limited. Culchies have a wide ranging field of music which you can learn pretty much everything about by listening to Downtown Country for about an hour.
No matter how passionate you are about your vegetarianism, DO NOT TELL THEM ABOUT IT
To a culchie, animals are food. And do not question it. That's just how it is. And don't even get them started on all that dairy free caper, milk comes from a cow (pronouced 'c-yow') and that's it.
Learn some new vocabulary: ‘Quare’ ‘Wile’ ‘Tae’
To communicate effectively with a culchie you're going to need to learn a whole new language, here are some common culchie words and phrases and their meanings to get you started:
Quare and Wile = Very. How's she cuttin'? = How you doing? Suckin' diesel = Now you're talking. Tae = Tea.
Hit up Bot or the Hatfield
If you're in need of a good oul jive on a Saturday night, there's no better spot to hit up than the Bot or the Hatfield. If you strike it lucky, you might even bag yourself a good country lad or lassie.
Pay them the highest compliment on their checked shirt, boot cut jeans and brown shoes, or if you’re a guy trying to bag yourself a culchie bird: wear said outfit
Culchie style is one you will become acquainted with after a few weeks of university. There's something so appealing about that look, but somehow, townies just don't wear it as well as the true country folk. Must be something to do with all the hard work they do on the farm.
Act like you care about the GAA, even if up until this point you thought Gaelic was just a language
When they're not wearing their finest checked shirt, a culchie can often be spotted sporting their favourite GAA shirt. What can I say, it's not just a sport. It's a way of life.
Good luck on your quest to bag a culchie!