Ahoy, me hearties! The Tab meets Cap’n Ciaran Gallagher

Amid pillaging, piracy, and presidential debates, The Tab caught up with Ciaran Gallagher for a quick chat on pirate rights, buzzwords, walking the plank and grabbing tits. 

You want to fly the jolly roger 365 days a year yeah?  Yep

Don’t you think that’ll intimidate non-pirate students? Won’t it be intimidating to non-pirate culture? In my opinion non-pirates have been allowed to live with their non-flag for quite a while. What I would say is that pirate culture is on the decrease. We’re pirates, this is our culture whether they like it or not and we shouldn’t be stereotyped as these mad lunatics in weird hats.

So there’s definitely no surrender over the pirate flag issue? I’d say no compromise.

Cap’n Ciaran Gallagher, a late entry to the fleg debate

One of the other things on your manifesto is that you’re the morally desitute president that students secretly crave; how morally destitute would you say you are? Oooh. Well, I could go on for a very long time about that I think.

Okay, if it’s easier, what would you say is your most morally destitute quality? My love of rum. Some people would do many things in this life – some people will do things for money, for the tear in a child’s eye, for a country they see in great poverty and under horrendous dictatorship, but personally I would mud wrestle my own mother for a shot of rum.

So you brought up money. Obviously the super seven and their £17K has been a huge thing this year; would you run for this position if it was unpaid? Of course I would. A pirate chooses his lifestyle as vocation, not as a career for money and plunder – that’s just the kind of misconception that pirates fall victim to on a daily basis especially at Queen’s.

We pirates do what we do for a sense of adventure and a strive to reach our individual potential and our potential as a crew.

Okay but hypothetically then, what could a pirate do with the great treasure of 17,000 gold doubloons? I’d probably sell it to the highest bidding museum in the world, particularly if there were any rare and sought after doubloons among them. Aside from that I’d probably find a small Caribbean island to use as my country when I retire.

Can we trust a pirate with union money? Of course you can trust a pirate with union money. The history books were very strict about how we run our crew. It’s a widely held belief amongst pirates that basically the landlubbers just squander their money on silly frivolous things; not us though.

I repeat, seventeen thousand pounds!

Have you ever pirated anything? What would you say you’ve pirated the most? Who here among us hasn’t pirated music and videos these days? I pirated Pirates of the Caribbean because I refused to pay it at the retail price.

What’s worse – a campaign that advocates piracy, or a campaign poster that references making crystal meth? We’re no more advocating piracy in the world than the Pirates of the Caribbean. It’s a popular misconception that pirates were as morally bankrupt as we seem. Also piracy offers hope and opportunity to the poor – and meth offers none of these.

So you’d say meth is worse than piracy? Yeah. Piracy is multi-opportunity. Women and people of different races are always welcome on our ships.

Ooh, edgy.

Just that you mention women – Some of the ‘liked’ pages on your Facebook page include “Spooning with a tit grab” and “Curvy girls are better than skinny girls”. Can skinny girls who don’t like tit grab spooning expect to be discriminated against under the pirate regime? I’m not sure I’m aware of this page, which page is it?

It’s your Facebook page – ‘Ciaran Gallagher’ My page? What does it say on it?

Awkward

These are likes – pages that you’ve liked – so one was ‘spooning with a tit grab’ and the other is ‘curvy girls are better than skinny girls’. We’re just looking for reassurance that they won’t be discriminated against under the pirate regime? Oh god the things I’ve liked… Oh certainly not. I admit then obviously, I probably have liked things that I probably wouldn’t condone these days that I’ve liked in the past.

A few years ago I would have been not as sensitive to women as I would be now, but certainly I’ve become only more feminist down the line. I’ll have to look up those, you must have dug deep for that – I’ll have to give a more up to date representation of my social views.

Moving on, one of the other things in your manifesto is “Engagement, employability, buzzwords, buzzwords”: What’s your favourite buzzword? …Engagement.

What buzzwords would you use to describe Martin Lilly?  Can you give me a generous moment on that…?

and Katie Matthews? As a personality description, I would say bubbly. Politically I would probably say engagement. As for… Lilly. I’d say – probably employability. He likes using that a lot.

Would you employ Martin Lilly on your ship? Let’s put it this way, a pirate ship is a serious place of work and I’m not sure he’s exactly what we’re looking for.

Out of Martin and Katie who would you rather see walk the plank? I guess… I suppose I really shouldn’t answer that.

In the question time today when asked about key issues facing students you immediately brought up LGBT and liberation groups. Martin Lilly said finance. Do you think he cares more about money than welfare? That’s the way it comes across. Sorry, can I just backtrack just a bit – I guess maybe it was harsh of me to say I wouldn’t have him on my ship. There are always barrels to be pumped.

But yes, he does seem slightly less interested in general welfare than would impress me.

Nice ship.

You also said “LGBT… I thought we would be past all-gay bashing by now, but I’m sorry to say I’ve seen it in this very building” That’s pretty serious, can you talk more specifically about this gay bashing in the union? I would actually genuinely love to but I’ve sort of been warned by the big wigs in charge of all this stuff at uni and the union about going into this sort of stuff specifically, so I can’t but I would really really like to.

It seemed today that you were the only candidate in the question time today to fully support the strikes with no compromises added into your statement. Do you think Matthews and Lilly are being yella-bellied or lily livered over this? It’s hard to say with Martin Lilly what goes on in the man’s mind. With regards to Katie, I don’t think she’s ignoring it just focusing more on different issues.

Who’s more boring – Matthews or Lilly? I’m gonna say I can’t answer that. You’d be really surprised what kind of guidelines – the soft way of putting it – they have us under.

Cap’n Ciaran Gallagher campaigns for cheaper pints at all times. AT LAST.

You mentioned rum earlier. Both Matthews and Lilly talked about ‘safety nets’ and ‘contentiousness’ and were quite hesitant when asked about drink promos in the union during question time today. Why do they hate fun so much? They seem rather fun to me. It’s a difficult enough question when you’re talking about an organisation that depends so heavily on funds from their bar.

Finally, can we get the official pirate stance on The Tab? All aboard The Tab?

Voting opens today, if you want to cast your vote for The Pirate, vote Ciaran Gallagher (without the ‘Cap’n’) on QOL!