The 13 types of lesbian you’ll meet at university
Aberdeen’s Lesbian survival guide
Are you just coming to terms with your sexuality? Are you reaching the brink of confusion with your gay friends’ terminology? Are you curious about the lesbian circle in Aberdeen?
Well, you’ve come to the right place!
I often hear my straight friends complaining of accidentally dating a series of lads from the same friendship group. Many of them sob of their struggle of having to sleep with the same person twice, because there really isn’t a lot of options here. These problems are not exclusive to the 'straights'. The Lesbian community is small. The dating pool is even smaller.
I’m not one for labels, but I find they're helpful if you’re just discovering your sexuality or trying to work out who you’re attracted to. Lots of people identify with a mix of these types as below, and some with none.
1. The Intellectual
The Intellectual gays are the women that are going to be at the top of their career ladders in the future. Don’t fuck with them because one day you will be working for them. The intellectuals dress smart casual. We are talking; cigarette trousers and high converse combo.
You can find the intellectuals in Food Story because they are vegan, obviously? You’ll get patched in the evenings when the only thing she’s interested in doing is studying in the library. On the weekends they are usually bouncing around D2. Offer to buy her a pint but do not underestimate her, she will drink you under the table.
In my experience, these ladies are often international students who have come to Aberdeen to escape countries with intolerance towards homosexuality. She is looking for someone who will take on the world with her. You need to prove that you have more than one brain cell, stimulate her more with conversation than anything else.
2. The Femme
La femme. This label is pretty self-explanatory. They traditionally wear makeup and are more in touch with their femininity. If you are still confused, think back to when your cousin told you she was gay, and your response was:
“But you don’t look like a lesbian?” “You can’t be gay you’re too pretty?”
Please stop, these comments are damaging.
Take a swift look around any English literature lecture and you will catch eyes with a femme, you probably won’t realise it though. To help them navigate through the straight shit storm that people presume they belong to, the Gay God’s gift precise gaydars to each femme.
To test this concept, take yourself to Revolution and watch out for the girl giving you the eye whilst sipping on a cocktail. Or in Nox waving around a sterling fresh burst in one hand and her heels in the other.
If you want to wife one of our femmes, prepare yourself, this is no part-time position. Femme’s have been known since the 50’s when the phrase was first coined to be hot and high maintenance. She wants someone to share her burdens with, you will be her lifeline. In return, she will be there for you no matter what, not a bad deal if you ask me.
3. The Doublebanger's
The London lesbian scene introduced me to many things, including the doublebanger. They only date girls who look like them. Strangers often confuse this couple to be sisters when they sight them walking through Duthie park holding hands and styling matching rainbow tote bags from Tiger.
4. The Activist
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THEY NEED US!!! • Until Every Cage Is Empty • Stand UP!! • Innocent, curious and loving sheep were taking to their brutal death yesterday. Bearing witness is hard and horrible but we are here to show everyone else what goes on. To show you that these are precious lives that do not need to be taken in order for us to have five minutes of pleasure. • JOIN YOUR LOCAL SAVE MOVEMENT • GO VEGAN • ???
You qualify as an activist if you have at least 4 tattoos, a dyke crop, and only wear vintage clothes bought from charity shops. These are the females at the front fighting for equality and our human rights.
You can catch them at climate change strikes in town clutching onto an oat milk latte. Take her to one of Spins spoken word poetry open mic nights she is probably itching to go. Activists won’t kiss you if you eat meat, so you better get used to a McDonald's veggie deluxe after a skite.
They are relaxed and respectful until you bring up politics. She’s opinionated and wants someone ambitious and equally as cultured. Activists will open up your mind to many new things that exist in the world including 5 am yoga classes, menstrual cups, and your astrological birth chart.
Don’t be surprised if this one doesn’t answer your calls whilst mercury is retrograde.
5. The Butch
“That’s too butch” was a phrase frequently thrown at me growing up. I learned in my teens that butch women are lesbians who are masculine in their appearance and behaviours, often being mistaken for young gay guys in clubs. They don’t want to be your man. They are just subverting your idea of what a woman ‘should ’ look like.
Some people find the 'butch' unapproachable. If she’s into you she will follow you around like a puppy. They are self-assured and direct; you can probably find them in the club smoking area chatting up your lass. These girls are searching for self-confident partners who will feed them compliments.
Many are referred to as ‘Touch-me-nots ’ due to their dominance in bed. This dominance doesn’t just confine itself to the bedroom, they will treat you like a princess. You will be spoiled and taken on all the Tumblr dates your 14-year-old self could only dream of.
6. The Hasbian
Keep a lookout for girls in Underground with undercuts that they are desperately trying to grow out. If you spot one, she has-been-a-lesbian but now exclusively dates men. She will be back though.
7. The Boi’s
Da Boi’s, this term was first stamped in the New York scene. Boi’s look and act like boys. Many are pre-transition trans men, transmasculine or non-binary identifying people who were assigned female at birth. Watch out for toxic masculinity! Take them aside to ask about pronouns, it’s best to have that chat sooner rather than later to avoid causing anyone distress.
You can spot the boi’s surrounded by the dykehood at parties. They’re boisterous and tend to be promiscuous, don’t put all your eggs in a boi’s basket.
My flat turns into heartbreak hotel at 3 am for the girls broken into billions of pieces by bois who make them weep, “But they were the best shag of my life!” as she finishes her seventh glass of wine tonight.
Those boi’s have a hard exterior but if you can knock their guard down you will find that they are softies. They want someone who understands and can make them feel safe and secure. In return, they will protect you and will fill your life with spontaneous energy.
8. The Indie
Step one foot in Gay’s school of art, Gray’s even. Within a couple of minutes, you will come across an indie. These gay girls might have shaved heads or even neon hair, but they will all be wearing at least one nose piercing and short nails. Not all indie lesbian’s study in the arts, even though they all look like they do.
If you can’t be bothered to trek all the way to Gray’s then turn up at Tunnels on a Thursday or Saturday night. In the toilets, you will discover five indie gays’ tumbling out of the same cubicle every 30 minutes. We have no clue how they all manage to fit in there. If it’s a Friday night, then the same palaver will be happening up at Bohemia.
Indies date DJ’s and bartenders. If you can find a single indie lure her in with a smoke down at the beach and she’s all yours. These girls are easy going and will love you unconditionally. Get used to spending your evenings being painted or photographed for their folio.
9. The Stems/ Futch
This is a crossbreed between a butch and fem. These are both American terms, but they do exist in Aberdeen. Stems wear makeup and are quite in touch with their feminine side, but they tend to have a tomboy wardrobe. Think; long hair, sport branded tops, and jeans.
They mostly study languages and are fluent in picking up girls, hence why they are always in a relationship. You can spot them with their sleeves rolled up in Siberia tanning a bottle of wine with their girlfriend. You know she’s a stem when the relationship blossoms quickly. If you’ve been speaking to her for 3 weeks, you have probably already moved in and co-parenting a rabbit together.
Stems are people pleasers and will do everything in their power to keep you happy. She craves loyalty. You need to be willing to accompany her on adventures and have a sense of humour when her car breaks down during a snowstorm in the middle of nowhere.
10. The L.U.G
Lesbians until graduation, your typical straight girls who want to mess around with girls whilst they are in uni but once they graduate, they will never do it again, I mean I’m not complaining. She probably attended private school or just broke up with her boyfriend.
They’re having the time of their life’s in Nox on the dance floors squealing with 2 VK’s. Aside from the VK stains on her lips, she’s fit, there is no questioning that. But do not fall in love with her. She’ll cum but she won’t stay.
When you hook up with a L.U.G, afterward you’ll discover that you will be ignored, even in person. Although every time you guys find yourself at the same party or club, she’s whispering in your ear, "come back to mine." This tends to happen on a loop.
University is a time for finding and expressing yourself. Sex is fun but only sleep with people who respect you because you deserve the world.
11. The Baby Dyke
The newborn gays, baby dykes are lesbians who have just come out. They are too fresh to fall into a category yet, so we invented a division just for them. It’s the duty of the athletes and stems to help the baby dykes take their first steps into the dykehood. These girls are hot and heavy in bed as they're eager to prove themselves.
12. The Alpha / Queen of the dykes
There is an alpha that represents every city in Scotland if you are reading this and you are 'gay' then you’ve probably been with at least one Alpha. Her Instagram followers list is a lesbian contact book.
Aberdonians use the term ‘Queen of the Dykes’ to refer to alphas. You can find her at the bar caressing a drink that she definitely didn’t buy herself. They have a healthy balance of being reserved and outgoing. Alphas are attractive but they will always cheat on you. Converting straight women is their main role in the community.
If you are trying to peruse an Alpha you have to have to keep it interesting. Keep her on a leash but don’t hold it too tight or she will bite.
13. The Athlete
Just because she plays sports doesn’t mean she’s a lesbian, unless she’s giving you big strap energy.
The athletes are the girls who know how to have a good time. To find out go out on a Wednesday to Paramount, Pro and then Atik.
They are rarely single, and mostly date within their team or the sports community. She is looking for someone sweet that can keep up with her. You need to be emotionally intelligent and treat her like a princess. The athlete will either break your bed frame or your heart, maybe both.