Rugby boys and the cleaning rota: Just 19 uni things that are none of my business

So if you’ve spent any time on TikTok over the last month, you’ll have without a doubt seen the “things that are none of my business” trend where people go through everyday things in life that they have decided do not apply to them and are none of their business. Popular ones include the weather, what you look like running, your hair at the back, or what’s actually inside a drain.

At uni though, there’s a lot that unfortunately does have to be your business. As much as I wish having to lug a food shop back to your flat without a car or sorting council tax exemption was not our business, a lot of the time it actually has to be.

But here are 19 uni things that are absolutely none of my business:

The typos in my essays

Look, I’ve just spent the last 24-hours in a windowless room purely living off Red Bull to get this essay done the night before it’s due. I know it’s a piece of shit and therefore I will not be reading through for typos, that is not my job.

Any lecture before 10 am

I simply do not look at my timetable before 10 am therefore any lecture or seminar scheduled before then is simply none of my business and you will not be catching me there.

The hygiene rating of my fave post-night out takeaway

In that moment, those cheesy chips and gravy may as well be Michelin Star so the hygiene rating of my local kebab van simply does not concern me once more than three shots of tequila have been consumed.

How much money I spend on a night out

We all know money that comes out of Apple Pay simply does not exist. I’m just tippy tapping my phone for my seventh round of drinks and whatever poor figure that’s left in my bank account after is just none of my business.

Rugby boys

This one is self-explanatory. They simply do not exist to me.

How much I spend in the Sainsbury’s in my student area

I would simply rather die than make the trek to ALDI when the Sainos local is a two-minute walk away and I can go in my Oodie and sliders. My total spend after three years of buying my little sweet treats has nothing to do with me.

The silverfish in my halls

If I don’t pay attention they just aren’t there and therefore are none of my business!

My student loan

I never actually see the money and so it’s not really my problem is it? Another degree to avoid the real world? Yes please!

Having food at home

If I’m on campus and hungry it is absolutely none of my business that I have food at home. Do I have the money to be splurging £7.15 for a cheese sandwich from Pret? Absolutely not but it’s the little treats that get you through the day.

Same with coffee, I know I have shitty instant coffee at home but when I’m at the library and a pumpkin spice latte is calling me name, that is none of my business.

My attendance

My attendance is another uni thing that is none of my business. When all my seminars are timetabled at 9am this is just not my fault .

How I look in my lectures

If I actually made it there, how I look is not my problem. Last night’s makeup and Crocs? Probably, but not my problem!

One to one meetings with my diss supervisor

Having to do a one on one meeting with my diss supervisor is a uni thing that is none of my business. I don’t need reminding that I’m seven months behind on all my assignments therefore anything one to one with a lecturer is nothing to do with me.

My Turnitin plagiarism score

Literally how are you going to tell me that I’ve plagiarised because I’ve used the word “the” too many times? And why are you highlighting my name as plagiarism?? Not my fault my parents decided to give me the most basic name in the world.

My antics on a Wednesday night

Thursday morning debrief? Absolutely not. If I have no memory of the night before then I want to keep it that way and the things that I did or said are nothing to do with me.

Emails from the Student Union or Vice-Chancellor

I literally could not care less about the new mental health alpacas you’ve brought in or completing a survey to win an Amazon voucher. Unsubscribe me please.

Group work

I signed up to a degree on my own not in a group so why is this now a joint activity? Leave me out of it!

Speaking in seminars

Speaking in seminars but ESPECIALLY seminars where you get marked on participation. This is none of my business and you should be glad I turned up don’t you dare try and pick on me to answer a question about Russia’s economic situation.

The number of Elf Bars I get through in a week

I simply do not need to know x

A flat cleaning rota

Go ahead, make a flat cleaning rota or a bin rota. But I can assure that this will be none of my business and that name on the whiteboard? Nothing to do with me.

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