The Love Island super league: Ranking every footballer who’s ever entered the villa

If there’s one thing we know for absolute certain, it’s that the Love Island casting team love semi-professional footballers. Every season, without fail, at least one man with ball skills enters the villa. And this year was absolutely no exception. First, came Lewes FC central midfielder Tyrique Hyde, then Shelbourne FC’s bombshell goalkeeper Scott Van Der Sluis. There’ll be a whole five-a-aside team flown to Mallorca by Casa Amor.

So, in light of the ludicrous number of athletes who weasel their way on to Love Island every season, we’ve decided to rank every (football) player who’s entered the villa based on how good their game actually is:

10. Toby Aromoloran

Series seven Islander Toby Aromolaran plays for a YouTube team called Hashtag United in the Ithsmian North League, six tiers below the Premier League. And nobody is forgetting the time he booted his ball into the pool when trying to show off during the talent show.

9. Tyrique Hyde

During the first episode of the tenth season of Love Island, Tyrique claimed “I’m the one who scores all the goals.” Which, is quite a statement considering he’s a central midfielder. His club, Lewes FC, is currently in the Isthmian League Premier Division (seven leagues away from the Premier) where they finished sixth— and he’s scored two goals this season.

Previously in his lukewarm career, Tyrique has played for Dartford and Dulwich Hamlet and joined Lewes from Dartford in 2022. His football skills were first called into question when his stats were pulled up by a viewer on Twitter. And it’s not looking good:

8. Tom Clare

Winter Love Island icon Tom Clare was a forward for Macclesfield FC with a 48-rating on Fifa 23. Although his club stood by him while he dipped his toe in reality TV, he announced weeks after entering back into the outside world that he’d actually much rather be an influencer than a sportsman.

7. Mike Boateng

Season six Islander Mike briefly played as a midfielder for Sheffield United but was released by the Blades in 2014, and went on to play for non-league team Eagley Football Club before becoming a police man and then entering the villa. There are no stats about him on Fifa, probs because he was a youth player.

6. Luke Trotman

2020 Love Island bombshell Luke Trotman played as a right back for Darlington. In Fifa 16 he was a 48-rated player and his career had promise but he packed it in to become a content creator instead and now has one million followers. Life comes at you quick.

5. Mike Thalassitis

Season three Islander Mike Thalassitis was a striker and scored 36 goals in 151 appearances. In the year her left for the villa, he was a 51-rated striker on Fifa.

4. Finn Tapp

2020 Winter Love Island winner Finn Tapp played for Milton Keynes Dons and Oxford City FC in the National League South and had a 51 rating in Fifa 19 before he quit to focus on showbiz. There’s a reoccurring theme here.

3. Aaron Simpson

Season seven Islander Aaron Simpson plays full back for the National League South club Chippenham Town. Previously, he’s been a right back with Wolves and had a 55 rating in Fifa 18. He’s also made a few loan appearances for Kilmarnock in the Scottish Premier League.

2. Scott Van Der Sluis

New bombshell Scott Van Der Sluis is a 53-rated keeper on Fifa and played for Shelbourne FC, an Irish Premier Division team, before quitting to enter the Love Island villa. Before Shelbourne, he played for Bangor City and in English non-league teams like Northwich Victoria.

1. Dennon Lewis

Dennon Lewis went into Casa Amor during season five and on Fifa 18, he was a 63-rated right winger, playing for Crawley Town. He’s scored 20 career goals and now plays at the fifth-tier national league team Boreham Wood.

Love Island 2023 is on ITV2 and ITVX. For all the latest Love Island news and gossip and for the best memes and quizzes, like The Holy Church of Love Island on Facebook. 

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• One week in, here are the vibiest pics the Islanders have taken on their villa phones

Featured image via ITVX.