A brutally honest ranking of all the 2023 Gogglebox families

I would trust the Siddiquis with my life

12 months ago

Everyone has a favourite Gogglebox family, but not everyone is right. I, however, am right. I’ve dedicated countless Friday nights in my time to tuning in to Gogglebox. I’ve seen families come and go, enter my hearts, piss me off, out themselves as Tories. We’ve been through the ringer, Gogglebox and I. Last year I ranked all the Gogglebox families – but now a lot has changed, both in my opinion and in the cast lineup themselves. So here I present a brutally honest ranking of Gogglebox 2023 families, ranked from worst to best.

17. Danielle and Daniella

Too new for me to declare whether my verdict of them at the bottom of the barrel will be permanent or if they’ve got potential to win me round, but right now I’m just not too bothered. Seem like nice ladies, but they’ve never raised a chuckle from me.

16. The Plummers

Sorry to say that if the most I can say on these lads after seven years of watching them is “phwoar”, I think we’ve hit a problem.

15. The Malones

How the mighty hath fallen! Something has shifted within the last year for me, and though I once ranked the Malones amongst the top of Gogglebox families, they just don’t hit like they used to. No clue as to why, but they’ve just fallen off for me.

14. Ronnie and Annie

Convinced these two are the exact same person. They’re indistinguishable. I have never known soulmates like this.

13. Simon and Jane

Used to hate them, want to hate them, have come to respect and appreciate them. Jane’s a bit useless but Simon has raised a fair few chuckles of recent now he’s settled into the cast better, and credit where credit’s due! If there’s one thing I am when getting Gogglebox families ranked for 2023, it’s fair.

12. Sue and Steve

Considering she has the most iconic posture in the country, I will stan Sue with my last breath. And I have bravely confessed on Twitter to quite fancying Steve. So make of all that what you will.

11. Stephen and Daniel

Gogglebox has never existed without Stephen, and at this point I think we should keep it that way. He’s part of the furniture. Warts and all, we need him! And he’s at his peak with Daniel, to be fair.

10. Ellie and Izzi

These two are always having a mother off. Would love an Aperol Spritz with them but they’ve fallen down the ranking because I swear to god all they talk about is food or diets. Change the record, dolls!

9. Amira and Amani

Amani is quite crickets, but Amira is one of the most iconic voices on television and I would listen to her spout off about anything for the rest of my days if I could. Queen.

8. Roisin and Joe

If I could pick one out of all the Gogglebox 2023 families ranked here to be mates with, it would be Joe and Roisin. I feel like we’re the same vibe. Same level of humour. Immaculate energy from these two. If you read this guys, let’s go for a pint x

7. The Worthingtons

The Worthingtons have screeched ahead of the Malones as undoubtedly the superior Manc family on the show – and they’ve done so by being consistently funny, witty, cosy and happy. Helena is so sharp, and the vibes are always good. Get me round on that crocheted sofa for a brew as a matter of urgency.

6. Giles and Mary

The only posh Tory vibed couple I turn a blind eye for, due to how funny Giles is. Giles is COMEDY GOLD. We bury our heads in the sand about how much Mary stans the queen.

5. Abbie and Georgia

Just two dependably likeable icons who’ve steadily climbed the ranking from background characters into absolute essentials who I would never want to watch the show without. Absolutely adore them. Also have the best snacks in the show on their little table.

4. Dave and Shirley

So funny they almost feel like sitcom characters drafted in to make things dafter. Absolutely love them. When Shirley said “That’d be my downfall – faggots and mushy peas”, as a northern gay, I’ve never felt more seen in my life.

3. Jenny and Lee

Just too many iconic moments to even list. The facemark / yoghurt. The Line of Duty notebook. The fun never stops.

2. The Siddiquis

I would trust these men with my life. They are the backbone that hold this country together. We must protect every Siddiqui no matter the cost. If they fall, we all fall.

1. Pete and Sophie

Honestly funnier than every comedian in this country. How they do not have their own spin off is beyond me. They should be panellists on 8 out of 10 Cats, Would I Lie To You, Big Fat Quiz of the Year – all of it. A dynamic that the funniest minds in this country could only hope to have. If you do not like Pete and Sophie, I don’t trust you. If you don’t think they’re comedy gold, I don’t even know where to begin with sorting you out. Legends.

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