Imagining what it would be like to take your uni on a first date

Gutted if you’re St Andrews


We've been through every type of fuckboy at your uni, everyone you're inevitably going to shag, but now the real question is: what would your uni be like on a first date?

What you would you talk about? What would they turn up in? Would they take you to Pizza Express for the student discount?

We've imagined your uni on a first date, to help you find your true match. Here's what would happen:

Manchester

Did you realise how cool Manchester was? No? Well you will now.

Conversation topics

The mad night they went to last week. The sick night they're going to next week. How great a city Manchester is, seriously they won't shut up about it. Also how they're definitely better than Leeds.

What they'll wear

A grey Fila jumper, Air Force Ones, a black puffer jacket.

Where you'll go

An edgy cafe where the fairy lights will give it a romantic feel.

Bristol

Yes their family is rich, but it doesn't mean they didn't vote for Corbyn in the last general election.

Conversation topics

Their gap year travelling around Indi-yah, how fucked they were in Motion last night.

What they'll wear

Expensive vintage sportswear which they'll claim they got in Sobey’s, when actually they found it in the Urban Outfitters last chance to buy rail.

Where you'll go

Somewhere vegetarian, have you not watched Cowspiracy? After your date, they'll grab a kebab on the way home, because they're actually a flexitarian.

Durham

Conversation topics

All of the unfair reasons why they didn’t get into Oxbridge but should've. What their parents do for a living. The meaning behind the family crest on their signet ring.

What they'll wear

A blazer, chinos, and their blonde hair will be perfectly coiffured.

Where you'll go

Somewhere expensive, because Daddy's paying anyway.

Cardiff

Conversation topics

How much they love uni. How if they could only drink one thing for the rest of their life, it would be VKs. How classic they are.

What they'll wear

Flip flops, shorts, rugby top, because the date has to fit in between first team training and watching the Wales game in the pub.

Where you'll go on the date

Frankie and Benny's.

Exeter

Those that study at Exeter are from the Home Counties, a little bit sheltered and they miss Mummy and Daddy terribly when they're stuck down in Cornwall. You'll leave the date feeling a lot better about yourself.

Conversation topics

Where they're going skiing this year, what school they went to, whereabouts in Surrey they're from, how much they enjoyed going to Twickers for the rugby 7s last year.

What they'll wear to your date

White shirt with a gilet, chino shorts, boat shoes.

Where you'll go on your date

They wouldn’t dream of going to Pizza Express, too common. Mistakenly, they think that Prezzo is a little bit posher and therefore acceptable. You’ll have bruschetta to start, a bottle of white, and a margherita. Yawn.

Leeds

You won't have as many mental stories as them and will feel so boring in comparison. But at least you had the courtesy to wash before stepping out of your front door. They've clearly come straight from a session lasting multiple days.

Conversation topics

How wearing a bindi isn't cultural appropriation if it matches your glitter. Rating your four most recent comedowns out of ten.

What they'll wear

Their nose ring will be recently polished but their hair and trainers will be nearly as dirty as the bass.

Where you'll go on the date

You would have gone to dinner, but their gums are in bits after last night.

Edinburgh

The good thing about Edinburgh is it's always dark, you won't even be able to tell if your date is butters. Although you hope they're at least a 6/10 because it takes so long to get there.

Conversation topics

The tortured artist type who will spend the majority of the date talking about themselves and their creative projects. Whether it’s poetry, their blog, or their record collection, it’s all very average.

What they'll wear

Black polo neck, Harry Potter glasses, skinny jeans, Chelsea boots. Suave, yet sinister.

Where you'll go

To a cocktail bar, that they’ll ironically describe as groovy, with a nice smoking area so they can puff on poorly constructed rollies to their heart's content.

Oxford

You'll feel really shit about yourself. Not just because they're incredibly intelligent, but because they're also surprisingly kinda cool.

Conversation topics

In the least boastful way they will bring up how well connected they are. You'll talk about your mutual friends from very posh schools.

What they'll wear on the date

Treading the line between nerdy and cool with reckless abandon. Oversized vintage shirts and a siggy ring.

Where you'll go on the date

It's not just a bar, it's a converted church where an English saint got beheaded, probably around the same time that the university was established.

Royal Holloway

Did you want to go on a date with a girl? Good, because RoHo is full of them. They'll get an Uber to and from your date, drink prosecco all night, while Insta-boomeranging the entire thing. YAAAAS.

Conversation topics

She’ll talk you through how to take the perfect Instagram, her whole outfit and how she got a great deal on every single item.

What they'll wear

Designer brands, bang-on trend coats and lots of accessories. She’ll even have three of those fancy Cartier bracelets.

Where you'll go

Drinks at a nice bar and then to Wagamama for a katsu curry.

Newcastle

You'll struggle to understand what they're staying because of the accent…oh no wait, they're all from the south and very middle class.

Conversation topics

They’ll tell you stories about how fucking loose they are on a night out, and talk you through their favourite puffa jackets. They’re secretly quite middle-class and well off, and will accidentally letting slip that they have a second home in Devon.

What they'll wear to the date

A black puffer jacket, dirty Reebok classics and medium-sized hoops.

Where you'll go on the date

Out in town for a few trebles, Greggs for a sausage roll, and then straight back to Jesmond to shag.

Loughborough

Wow, you're shallow. Doesn't matter that they can only talk about sport because of how good their body is.

Conversation topics

Which sport they play, how often they play sport. What other sports are their favourite. How much they love sport.

What they'll wear

Uni sport stash. Obvs.

Where you'll go

For a cheeky Nandos. All they eat is chicken and even the sides they pick will be ordinary. No perinaise because it's not part of their "regime".

UCL

I thought I was on a date, not at my 9am International Relations lecture. Luckily I read the newspaper this morning and definitely know what a Brexit is.

Conversation topics

How they couldn't bare to move out of London for uni, it's where they've lived all their life. They’ll get straight into meaty topics such as neo-colonialism, gentrification, and how great London is.

What they'll wear

Quite edgy, lots of leather.

Where you'll go

Just a nice, quiet pub for a few overpriced pints. Otherwise you won't be able to hear the finer points they're making about why Nick Clegg wasn't actually that much of a wrong'un.

Nottingham

Get ready for the most normal date you'll ever have. You'll have a pleasant time, they won't be annoying or boring. It will just be nice.

Conversation topics

What festivals you went to and had fun at. Where you both grew up, your favourite pizza topping, what music you like, normal stories about your normal friends.

What they'll wear

Jeans, an Adidas jumper, a battered pair of trainers.

Where you'll go

After agonising over the location for ages they'll eventually decide Pizza Express is the best option. He’ll have an American, she’ll have the Caesar Salad. Well done for pushing the boat out and going outside of your comfort zone!

St Andrews

Conversation Topics

Which balls you’ve been to so far this year and how you actually really like how remote it is up here.

What they'll wear

A cashmere jumper and nice jeans, probably also an expensive scarf.

Where you'll go

Zizzi. The date will be "nice" but is that really all you're looking for from a date?

Cambridge

Just be grateful they don't take you punting

Just be grateful they don't take you punting

Conversation topics

How intelligent you both are. The metaphysical intricacies of the space time continuum, which Shakespeare sonnet is your favourite.

What they'll wear

A shabby blazer which doesn’t quite fit right – probably passed on from dad through mum because she claims it’s “good quality” and “the girls will like it”.

Where you'll go

The Regal, because, as much as you like to see yourselves as the intelligent elite, you don’t want to spend a fiver on a pint at a Tinder date.

Belfast

Conversation topics

Where you’re from in Northern Ireland, Game of Thrones.

What they'll wear

O’Neill’s sports kit.

Where you'll go

Filthy McNasty’s for the romantic secret garden.

Liverpool

Conversation topics

How it’s much better than the other unis in the north and definitely more fun.

What they'll wear

Just really normal clothes maybe with some UGG boots.

Where you'll go

Couple of pints at the Brookie, cos it’s just easy and you can escape home easily.

Falmouth

Conversation topics

How small it is but how much you bloody love Falmouth and are looking forward to a career in journalism even though you’re studying it in a town that literally has no news.

What they'll wear

Salty clothes that you went to the beach in.

Where you'll go

Palacio.

King's

Conversation topics

What cause you’re supporting this month.

What they'll wear

A long coat, skinny jeans and Stan Smiths.

Where you'll go

Pret a Manger in a break between lectures.

Birmingham

A normal date with a normal person, except it’s in Birmingham.

Conversation topics

All the facts they know about Old Joe. Old Joe is a clock. I know, it’s weird.

What they'll wear

River Island’s finest.

Where you'll go

Strada, because you know what to expect when you go to Strada, a lot like when you’re in Bham – which is mild disappointment.

UEA

Conversation topics

How hard it is to get to uni (from home home), i.e. what train you get for the big travel.

What they'll wear

Jeans and a nice top but then with a random accessory, like a bucket hat or fingerless gloves.

Where you'll go

Burrito bar – in your head it’s relatively bog-standard, but after the first bite you remember how secretly fun it is.

Sussex

Conversation topics

Your favourite acid trip.

What they'll wear

Traveller pants, a crusty hoodie, weed socks.

Where you'll go

A salad bar so you can fill yourself up on vegetables, the only thing in your diet.

Bournemouth

Basically like going on a date with Cardiff but more manageable. You’ll have four VKs instead of 14, and you won’t have to listen to them explaining to you how classic they are all night.

Conversation topics

How much they love the seaside, that’s pretty much all there is in Bournemouth.

What they'll wear

Probably gym clothes, why do they all wear gym clothes in Bournemouth?

Where you'll go

Fish and chips while you have a cold walk along the beach, trying to avoid all the local emos.

LSE

If you're not a gold digger, literally what are you doing? All LSE students are good for is their future salary.

Conversation topics

Keynesian supply-side economics, an interesting article about Angela Merkel you read in The Economist last week.

What they'll wear on the date

A horrible striped shirt and navy chinos from Next.

Where you'll go on the date

Either to Pret for an americano or for a quick bottle of Peroni at a pub in the Square Mile. He would love to get to know you better but he’s got a seminar to get to.

Warwick

Let's hope you've got your future sorted because they do and if yours isn't as ambitious as theirs, you won't be a part of it. Shame, I really saw myself ending up with a consultant who works for Deloitte.

Conversation topics

Your upcoming finance internship applications. Finance internships you didn’t get. Finance internships you did get.

What they'll wear on the date

If he’s a rower hopefully nothing. You could make a grilled cheese sandwich on those abs.

Where you'll go on the date

For a walk. Not just because they’re boring, but because they’re miles away from everywhere. Oh no, my mistake, you can go for a night in Leamington Spa.

York

Doesn’t matter as long as they manage to actually engage in a conversation: How often you go to the library, what you got in your A-levels, whether you’re going to Kuda tomorrow. Literally anything but awkward silence will be fine.

What they'll wear

Topman circa 2014 that his mum bought for him because he can’t be bothered to buy new clothes.

Where you'll go

For a sweaty Courtyard panini and a pint of Coors Light. Romantic.

Featured image credit: Creme Soda  Wednesdays

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