Here’s which Roses event you should watch to based on your Lancaster Uni college

Everybody’s talking about it. Some people are already sick of it. No one can escape it.

That’s right – the much-anticipated annual Lancaster-York Roses is just around the corner now, and it’s safe to say that Lancs is ready and raring to go for next weekend’s home battle.

Instead of actually participating in Lancaster’s inevitable triumph, here at The Tab we’ve decided to do something much better: psychoanalyse you based on your college.

So, without further ado, here’s the Roses event with your college’s name written all over it… in bright red pen, of course…

Fylde – Netball

We couldn’t not kick it off with Fylde, who are known exclusively as “the sporty college”. If there’s a keen Fylde student on your Roses team, trust us, you’re sorted.

Teamwork, technique and tenacity are key aspects of netball and of Fylde’s reputation. They’re golden retrievers over there, energetic and playful, but don’t be fooled, York – they won’t hesitate to block you like a brick wall for the entire match.

Furness – Swimming

Up next is Fylde’s next door neighbour, Furness, the college known for its introverted, quiet, yet weirdly strong and successful reputation.

We can just imagine Furness diving in the pool, hearing the world go quite, and thinking: “Ugh, finally, a bit of peace and quiet away from the food court.”

The butterfly stroke in particular gives off that Furness, dark horse energy, and no one would deny that Furness have enough muscle on them – they’ve won their annual inter-college rivalry competition with Cartmel five years in a row.

Cartmel – Futsal

Speaking of Cartmel, this college is far too big for its boots… and its futsal balls.

Does anyone actually know what futsal is? Neither, but it blares great big Cartmel sirens with its “I’m-so-much-better-and-different-than-football-except-I’m-not” aura.

Apologies to the futsal Roses squad for that one. No apologies to Cartmel.

Graduate – Chess

When we found out chess was on the Roses timetable, our jaws actually hit the floor. Not because it’s a borderline ridiculous event to include [which, granted, it is], but because it’s the most Graduate-College-coded thing ever.

It’s for the erudite and the furrowed-browed, the big-brained and the endlessly patient. So really, this is a compliment, graduates.

At least we’re not calling you old outright this time. Think of it as you being in your Anya Taylor Joy era. Or whatever helps you sleep at night…

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Lonsdale – Tennis

Lonsdale’s vibe is a bit of a mystery. You lot seem lovely and all, but it’s hard to figure you out.

This makes you the perfect tennis college, because who actually knows what they’re ever saying over the speakers at Wimbledon? It’s truly just a guessing game for the amateurs watching.

Lonsdale people seem, yes, dedicated, but not afraid to let loose. Or break a racket over their knee. And they definitely have Challengers in their top four on Letterboxd.

Pendle – Pokémon

Yes, you read that right – Pokémon is an actual Roses event. And with Pendle’s witchy, tarot card vibe, we thought this would be the only acceptable match.

Pendle residents are also Pendle warriors; they manage to bring their Pendle-ness up in every conversation and will defend it with their lives, even when complaining. Pretty much every Pokémon player we’ve ever met has been the same.

We appreciate the dedication, at least.

County – Underwater Hockey

County, you pretend you’re all that – elusive, mysterious, away from the hubbub of Alex Square – but you’re just confusing us, as is the concept of underwater hockey. Is it just Heated Rivalry with less heavy breathing?

In any case, we’re admittedly fascinated, but the obnoxious vibe of this event just screams County. Only they would seek out a sport this niche.

Bowland – Football

It’s well-established across campus that Bowland is the main character of the colleges. It’s central, buzzing and full of fierce college pride; their slogan, “Bowland till I die” isn’t exactly nonchalant.

This is why football is the perfect pick for popular, bolshy Bowland. The game draws the biggest crowds, is exciting to watch, and the fans are certainly… passionate. And that’s putting it lightly.

Grizedale – Lead Climbing

And finally, the crowd-pleaser: Grizedale, a college that everyone seems to love, and not just because they have Co-op. Grizedale students are fun, friendly and fiercely loyal to one another.

The energy at a lead climbing competition – the camaraderie, the encouraging shouts from below, the trust the climber has to have in their belayer – is Grizedale through and through.

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