Dear gym bros: These protein inventions feel like a failed social experiment, plz stop

Existing in 2026 is to be constantly hounded by random protein inventions that range from odd and random to we are doomed as a species.

Though practically everyone would agree that a high-protein diet comes with huge benefits, normal people understand that *most* people can hit their protein targets through food alone.

Then came the protein powders, whether for gainz or as a meal-replacement diet. From cookie crumble to chocolate orange, banana bread to Snickers, there are more than enough options on the market to find your individual taste. So tell me why we’ve been shoving protein into literally EVERYTHING ever since.

Saudi Arabia has a high-protein hookah bar now

@doctordiscover

Dubai just opened a protein shisha bar where you inhale whey after your workout. Let me save you the membership fee. Your lungs evolved for gas exchange, not nutrient absorption. Drugs work nasally because they’re tiny, lipid-soluble molecules engineered to cross membranes. Whey protein is 20,000 daltons — it physically cannot diffuse across your airway epithelium. There’s no amino acid transport system in your lungs. That’s your gut’s entire job. At best you’re inhaling expensive particles that irritate your airways. At worst, hypersensitivity reaction. The marketing is genius. The science is zero stars. Eat your protein. That’s the hack.​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​ #doctor #health #medical #science #stemtok

♬ original sound – Whitney Leavitt

At the onset of April, GymNation in Saudi Arabia launched the very first high-protein shisha.

It announced: “The world’s first protein shisha bar, powered by gym supplements. Featuring performance-inspired, ‘inhalable’ blends like Creatine Clouds, Berry Macro Mist and Muscle Mint Reloaded. Same social experience. Different kind of flavour profile. Designed to support muscle recovery and growth, with up to 25g of aroma-activated protein.

“Because recovery and community are part of the grind too. Performance-inspired blends. Zero excuses.”

Don’t get me wrong, I understand the pull of shisha – arguably the first vape invented – but the concept of you needing a protein version is difficult to grasp. Eat some chicken, how hard is that?

I’m sorry, who is buying a high-protein vape?

Speaking of vapes, there are now protein versions. Numerous brands make them, and they’re almost always called something like “Muscle Mist”. While some have been April Fool’s pranks, there are real options like collagen-boosting vapes out there for the gym bro simply has to puff and pump at the same time.

Are you seriously putting protein seasoning on your chicken?

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A post shared by Protein Seasoning (@buildthebodyprotein)

Though our mums have long stuck with the mundane options like garlic powder (and a teaspoon of paprika to really dial it up), there’s a whole world of herbs and spices out there – some even contain increased protein.

There are various options for high-protein seasonings and rubs, but again, why? In one brand, there’s 22g of protein per 100g, but in chicken, there’s 27g per 100g. You’d have to dump tons for it to make a difference, and let’s be honest, no one is using 250g of a single seasoning whilst they’re cooking.

Protein water…. yes, you read that correctly

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Water is obviously hugely beneficial for our health, and I get wanting to hit your protein targets, but surely we can do that without resorting to protein-fortified H2O?

Such drinks would surely be helpful for people in unique situations, but for the vast majority of people, simply eating high-protein meals is more than enough. Factor in protein powders and bars, and there’s really no reason to look like an idiot sipping on pineapple and coconut protein water.

Protein beer

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A post shared by LIFTED – Protein, Non Alcoholic Beer (@lifted_brewing)

There are numerous high-protein beer brands on the market right now, some alcohol-free and some not. But here’s the thing: If you have access to protein beer, you definitely have access to this little thing called a supermarket, and it’s a well-kept secret that those places have TONS of protein to choose from. Eggs to chicken, edamame to chickpeas, go crazy girl, you deserve it.

Just know, we’re all judging you for drinking your protein beer at a party.

Honourable mention: Cricket protein powder

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A post shared by CRIK – Cricket Protein Powder (@criknutrition)

You read that correctly, health nuts in America are bonkers for protein powder made from literal crickets. Not only do such powders include essential amino acids, but they also have twice as much protein as beef.

Now, while the concept is undoubtedly a little odd, cricket protein powder was not included in the roundup for one simple reason: It’s genius. In a world plagued by food insecurity and dwindling access to resources, unique and often overlooked nutrition sources are becoming more and more important.

Who knows, maybe Starbucks will hop on this bandwagon, too: Introducing the crushed cricket frappuccino.

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Featured image credit: GymNation/Instagram and TikTok