A Trinket Girlie’s Guide To Durham Colleges…

I love a trinket. There aren’t many things a trinket can’t fix: from cheeky little Sylvanian Families blind bags to those god-awful Labubu, there’s nothing a trinket can’t solve. I also think the person doesn’t pick the trinket, the trinket picks the person! So, with the power vested in me by my slightly concerning emotional attachment to blind bags, I have assigned each college its trinket.

Let’s start with the Hill, which is probably about the same height as the plastic waste from our trinket friends.

Collingwood – The Deer Family (Sylvanian Families)

I know that Collingwood’s college mascot is technically a Stag; however, a Deer is cuter, and what’s the point of a trinket if it isn’t cute? Well, a Deer is a cuter version of a Stag, and this is my article, so I’m giving Collingwood a Deer. Another reason the Deer family is the perfect pick for Collingwood is that the Deer Twins come with a little car, which is how it feels to go up against Collingwood in any sport.

Grey – Pusheen

Pusheen feels like a bit of an underrated trinket, which is why she is perfect for Grey. She kind of gets ignored, which is a little bit what Grey feels like to me. I never heard anything about Grey (although this could be due to my own ‘Bailey syndrome’) – definitely underrated. Another reason why Pusheen is perfect for Grey is because she is literally a GREY cat. Still, it doesn’t feel like Grey has a singular vibe to it, yet another reason. She may be grey at heart (and in nature), but there are many different versions of her with different outfits and associations. Just like the people I’ve met from Grey.

John Snow – Moomins

When I think about John Snow, I think ofthree things. One: how many terrible Jon Snow jokes I have heard. Two: the trauma of medicine through time (shout out to cholera). And three: snow. When I think about snow, I also think about Moomins. I have this weird protective energy around Moomins. They’re just so cute and whimsical, and I also think Snow is like that. They are very much in their own world, and you never hear of people from John Snow. However, they are always around and normally have a very joyful time.

Josephine Bulter – Moley Plush (From Wind In The Willow)

Okay… Okay, I think it is fair to say that I am cheating with this one, but it’s harder than it looks, okay? There are too many colleges and not enough trinkets. And as someone who has (shamefully) only been to JoBo once, I literally know four things about it. One: they were way, way too far away. Two: they had a very cute (if somewhat expensive) college drink called the ‘Pink Lady’, and as a pink lady (aka I have pink hair and I have made it my whole personality) I really loved that. Three: the mascot is a mole. And four: JoBo is named after a feminist icon. And unfortunately there are no Josephine Butler-inspired trinkets (trust me, I looked, because I think I’m funny). So a Moley Plush it is, which also fits with the whole Mound thing.

Hild Bede – Plague Doctor Plush

I’m learning a lot about all the college mascots, and Hild Bede’s mascot is a bear, lovingly called ‘Bedo’. So naturally I went on a perilous journey to find a bear worthy of being a Hild Bede trinket. But when I tell you I hit the gold mine, I mean I hit the gold mine. Super quick history lesson. People thought miasma (aka bad air) caused the plague, which is why the mask on the nose was so long. It wasn’t just a fashion statement, but also so they could put posies there to prevent people from breathing in the bad air. Hild Bede also had to move because of toxic air. So they could use these cute little plushies for both decoration and protection. However, I would also argue Hild Bede doesn’t need any more decorations because I’ve seen that amazing, life-changing, show-stopping Heated Rivalry flag.

South – Labubu

I am sorry, South, both for what I am about to say and for giving you Labubu. As a trinket girlie who would love to say I love every single trinket that has ever existed, I hate Labubus. But I don’t hate South. Before you all get angry at me (because trust me, that has happened before), South, let’s be honest: you are kind of odd-looking, and I say this with love. But that’s not the only reason I picked Labubu for South. It’s also because South is the youngest of the colleges here at Durham, only opening in 2020, and what’s more quintessentially early 2020s than a Labubu?

St Aidan’s – Miffy

This makes me feel pretty sick. Aidan’s, you don’t deserve my beautiful, sweet Miffy. There is no trinket I love more than Miffy. So it’s kind of heartbreaking to me that Aidan’s is getting Miffy. But when I went, which will be the only time, I saw so many bunnies, and what is Miffy? Well, she is a beautiful princess, but she is also a bunny.

St Mary’s – My Little Pony: Twilight Sparkle

I think Mary’s is Twilight Sparkle because it’s the cool girl of the hill, and she is also such a girl’s girl. I mean, first college to let women in – she deserves a girlboss trinket. When I was little there wasn’t anything cooler than My Little Pony. You were the IT Girl if you had anything My Little Pony. I think you’re cooler if you’re in Mary’s. Twilight Sparkle is a bonus – she’s purple.

Stephenson – Jellycat: Heart Dragon

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Stephenson, I have found your hotter twin. Again, I’ve only recently been to Stephenson, and I was shocked to find out your college colours are red, not green. I’m sorry – I’ve only ever seen people wear green stashes, but you’re the only one in red, and your mascot is a dragon. But that’s not the only reason I’ve given you a dragon. I also gave you a dragon because you need to have wings to get anywhere from Stephenson.

Trevelyan – Shrek Donkey Plush

You learn something new every day. For all the time I’ve been at Durham, I thought the Trevs mascot was a horse, because surely that crest is a horse. But no, its mascot is a donkey! But in all fairness, Trevs is a strange little hexagon; it kind of makes sense. So I’ve given you the most famous and annoying donkey out there.

Van Mildert – Rubber Ducks

I know this is basic, but I’ve only recently been to Van Mildert (much to the joy of Seamus). I got an amazing tour, and one thing that struck me was that there was literally nothing going on but their pure love for the ducks. Another reason the Van Mildert trinket is a rubber duck is that there are a number of different types of rubber ducks, just as there are many weird and wonderful people in Van Mildert.

Ustinov – The Tamagotchi

The Tamagotchi. I mean, it’s old. You are postgrads, so you guys are old. I wouldn’t know what to do with a Tamagotchi, and I don’t know what to do with Ustinov.

Let’s move on to the Bailey, which holds some of the oldest and, some would say, the weirdest of the colleges. Here walking into a college is like opening a blind box.

St Cuthbert’s Society – Sonny Angel

Fun fact about Cuths: there are two mascots. One is a frog, and the other is a tiger. Even though I would say the tiger is a little bit neglected – like, Cuths, why do you have a favourite child? But do you know what else has both a frog and a tiger? Sonny Angel. So there you go.

St John’s – Bedtime Bear

I mean, this is John’s to the core. John’s is probably the quietest, most forgotten Bailey college. I saw your attempt at a Bailey parade on John’s Day. If you wanna see how it’s really done, well, come to Chad’s Day next year. Even if you don’t come along, don’t worry, we’ll wake you up! Put simply, this bear is blue and sleepy, and John’s will definitely find a way to put you to sleep.

St Chad’s – Smiski

I mean, what are the three things everyone knows about Chad’s? One: we are green (no matter what Cuths say). Two: we are the smallest of the colleges. And three: we are very, very cute. What is Smiski? It is small, green and cute! I also like how many different kinds of Smiski there are. It is very much like my misadventures on Chad’s Day. Also, they are just really small, which again fits Chad’s perfectly.

Hatfield – A Blind Box

Well, Hatfield, you don’t get a trinket. However much I may dislike a certain trinket, I will never dislike it enough to assign it to Hatfield. So you are either an empty blind box, or you keep getting your least favourite options, or just the same one over and over again. And frankly, with your reputation, you don’t deserve a trinket. Joking, of course.

Castle – Monster High Potions Crystal Ball Blind box

Do I think Monster High is way too cool to be given a Monster High Blind Box? Yes, I do. However, that could be due to my love for these dolls. I quite literally grew up obsessed with them and their movies. I’m not 100% convinced that Draculaura isn’t the reason I have pink hair, and in hindsight was probably one of my many gay awakenings. However, Monster High is literally a castle that’s been turned into a boarding school for monsters, and Castle is also uni hall. Plus, from what I have heard about that place, it wouldn’t surprise me if there were monsters in Castle.

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