‘How many times can I reheat rice?’: Seven texts every Lancs student has sent their parents

We fly the nest, all fooled by the notion that we are in fact independent.

Very quickly, we realise that not all clothes are compatible with a washing machine and that, sometimes, fishing out your toast from the bottom of the toaster with a fork is not the best idea.

Often, that slice is a lost cause and we have to learn to accept that (I just hope you didn’t discover that truth in an electrifying way).

Can I put tinfoil in the microwave?

To foil or not to foil? That is the question.

The microwave is an enigmatic device, full of secrets and surprises. You never quite know what to expect once you press the start button. Will I cause a full-scale campus evacuation or will I, in 10 minutes, be sat with a perfectly edible shepherd’s pie before me?

Sooner or later, we all succumb to our most innate curiosity: Can I put tinfoil in the microwave? Luckily, our parents will have the answer.

The hem’s come down on my jeans. Can I just Sellotape it?

I am no Coco Chanel. I do not speak the language of the seamstress and, likely, neither do you. There is no shame in sending this text to your parents (at least you’re proving your resourcefulness and initiative with the household items they left you with on move-in day).

Also, for what it’s worth, if I glanced down in a lecture and spotted someone’s Sellotape cladded jeans, I would deem them rather chic.

Would you like to send me £20 for a takeaway?

This question embodies the high risk, high reward mindset. Being a tad bit cheeky never hurt anybody (except for your parent’s bank accounts). Sometimes, having faced a six hour lock-in session in the library, we must soothe our wounds with a Sultans (feel free to use that line for pity points from the parents in future).

Also, phrasing the question as “would you like to send me £20?” as opposed to “can you send me £20?” creates the illusion that they came up with the idea themselves; of course they would “like” to, nothing would bring your parents greater joy (or so they believe).

My top is red with white spots – does it go in with lights or colours?

If parents have one primary function, it is surely to answer this question.

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I think you unlock the answer once welcomed into a secret society as it is akin to an ancient text, a hieroglyph decipherable only by the worthy. I am yet to be granted this worthiness as one glance at my colour-smudged wardrobe will tell you.

The fire alarm has just gone off in the house. Do we have to leave?

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In case you find yourself on the precipice of clicking send on this one, I would just like to assure you, in line with all health and safety regulations, that the answer is yes.

Please do leave the burning building. I speak from experience when it comes to fire alarms, here’s a little anecdote for you: in Freshers’ week, my housemates set the fire alarm off five times. Yes, five times.

If I stopped drinking at 6am when can I start taking paracetamol for the hangover?

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Somehow, once we start uni, our parents become our personal pharmacists.

Unfortunately, moving away from home condemns us to a life of self-dosage; we can no longer stand in the kitchen, mouth wide open, whilst our mum uses the Calpol syringe (the original sweet treat – we all loved it).

What’s worse, we’re no longer faking a headache just to taste the strawberry flavoured Calpol, we’re in genuine need of pain relief as the hangover takes hold and mocks our childhood memories.

How many times can I reheat rice?

Inevitably, you will have misjudged your portioning of rice pre-boil and catered for a small (or, in my previous experience a very large) village.

It is at this point that you claim to have intentionally “batch cooked” (yeah right) and you must scramble to find enough containers in the back of your cupboard to store this village’s provisions for the week. However, the ultimate question looms in the back of your mind… how many times can I reheat rice?

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