We ranked Lancaster University students’ worst meals

From back-of-the-cupboard cries for help to plates adorned purely with raw meat (yes, you read that right)

5 hours ago

Amy Laird | Guides

If there is one thing I have learnt at university, it is that nutrition is a luxury for many students.

Although there may be seasoned chefs amongst the student body, we sometimes have to resort to a squashed pot noodle or, in the direst of cases, a stale crust of bread that has been lodged between a sprouting potato and a dinted can of chopped tomatoes for far too long (but hey, it will become reasonably edible once you toast it).

I am going to rank each (self-professed) distressing dish: starting with the most edible of your student meals and then working my way down to the shockingly desperate piles of food that were sent in to us.

Let’s see which submission takes the number one spot…

5. A Fish Finger Swirl

This meal gets the most sympathy from me as fish fingers are quite a bougee purchase and I respect the attempt at adding some protein to your dish. Secondly, the BBQ sauce is a nice touch and reassures me that you are not an enemy of flavour.

However, I must express my concern at one aspect of this meal: it appears that we have a pitta wrapped inside a tortilla. This combination may float your boat, but I have to question the level of stodge that this carb hybrid produces.

4. Versatile Veg

Now this ‘meal’ hails from my own camera roll. After dislocating my knee, swelling ensued and, as I’m sure you would all agree, the singular freezer shelf that we get in halls is a sacred space (one that we cannot afford to waste with storing ice cubes).

With the swelling increasing, I found myself in a dilemma. It was at this point that the bagged steamed veggies caught my eye.

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Although I must praise the versatility of this freezer item, I find myself ranking it within this list as, as far as student meals go, I don’t think they’re every good when served on your knee (literally).

3. A Tuna and Egg Concoction

I can’t attest to the taste of this dish, but I have attributed it with third place on a purely aesthetic basis. They say that you eat with your eyes and if that is true, this meal does not belong in anyone’s mouth.

2. A Melted Disaster

This dish has taken second place and it is mainly due to its unsettling ambiguity. What exactly is this melted mound hiding? Nachos? Bread? Or, worst case scenario, more cheese?

I feel obliged to appreciate the effort that went into cutting the ham into such small slices but that cannot possibly make up for the fact that we are staring at, possibly, a black hole of cheddar; endless and yet elusive.