Things in Lancaster that we will probably get before GTA VI

Lancaster’s key criticism from students is that sometimes there isn’t too much going on, time can kind of seem like its stands still. I have even heard Lancaster being described as “purgatory”. A bit dramatic but okay.

So this time of year can be a bit of a lull, most of us are just waiting for the summer sun and light nights to hang out with friends on Furness fields or at the pub by the canal. And, if you’re like me, you’ve also been waiting for the long (and consistently delayed) release of Grand Theft Auto VI.

I’m sure we’ve all seen the TikTok comments saying “can’t believe we got this before GTA VI”, to – literally – anything. If you haven’t, are you living under a rock?

So we decided to steal ideas of TikTok comments and tell you all the things you will get before GTA VI, Lancaster edition, of course.

Self-checkouts will actually be quick

I did think the entire point of a self check-out was that it was supposed to be quicker than a regular till? Maybe not.

Sometimes I am just nipping in for a quick snack but if it is the misfortune of being midday on a week day, the masses of hungry Lancaster students put the already slow self checkouts to the test. I mean they do the job… eventually.

To add insult to injury, if I never heard the monotone “use pin-pad to complete transaction” again in my life, it would still be too soon. I can’t even imagine how annoying those constant sound bites must be for the staff.

Another engineering building

If you have been keeping up to date with the LUSU elections, you will have seen that former presidential candidate Usul vowed in their manifesto to implement “Engineering Seven”, because why just stop at two engineering buildings, when you could have seven, or 23.

Management School building works will actually be finished

I remember the glory days of being able to actually walk through Management School, I look back at it fondly as now you have to trek around to the front for any lecture in Management.

Does anyone know when the building will open back up? We probably have been told, I have just purely forgot. But yeah, for this one, I’m actually convinced GTA VI will drop before the Management building fully opens up again. Only time will tell.

But we could look at it as a good thing, Lancs Uni is ensuring we get our steps in.

B floor library tap will actually get fixed

I hate this tap so much. I have never actually seen it work, so what is the point?

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The water pressure is at an all time low and has been like this throughout my three years at Lancaster, I’m not sure if a more tenured student could vouch for it ever working? Please let us know.

The amount of times I have been too lazy to go downstairs to fill up my water bottle so I just stand there for five minutes just to ensure I stay hydrated is crazy. Although, I’m sure if you started filling up your water bottle today with this tap, it may just potentially be filled by the time GTA VI drops, keeping your gaming sessions going with a sufficient supply of H2O.

Or you could just go to the plethora of taps on C floor, but who can be bothered with stairs?

Lancaster will complete all road works

Every time I leave my house I seem to see another set of temporary traffic lights set up around town. It is just annoying. If traffic isn’t bad enough as it is in Lancaster, running late for a lecture has gotten so much worse as your chosen bus has to traverse the absolute nightmare that is Lancaster road works.

It’s a shame life isn’t just a game like GTA – where traffic lights are simply a suggestion. Although on second thoughts, it’s probably is better that it isn’t.

An empty 1A – uninhibited by traffic – at 5pm

In all my years at Lancaster, I am yet to see the underpass quiet at 5pm on any day. Buses are always packed, and somehow it always seems to be raining and the windows fog up and you just can’t see at all where you are on the A6 road. Nightmare.

I would be able to die happy if I had ever had a peaceful bus journey home at 5pm from campus, it is always warfare (not to be dramatic or anything).

No queue at the bar in Staggered Inn on a Wednesday

I just really can’t stand the queue for Staggered Inn on a Wednesday, being poked and prodded by whatever fairy-wings, costume or accessory whatever society member next to you has on.

But I’m not hating, the £3.50/£4 trebles on a Wednesday are a hard thing to pass up, hence its popularity. And the staff do their best to deal with the absolute mountain of people they have to serve. My utmost respect to both the Staggered staff and Staggered loyalists.

The Lancaster Tab actually hosting a social

The Lancaster Tab may meet every week, but socials are admittedly a little bit less often than we would like to admit. Listen, we have a lot going on in university, both with our chosen studies and also whatever on earth is going down on campus.

But, we did actually host a social, three in fact this academic year. So who knows – maybe we’ll even organise another one or two before GTA VI finally releases.

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