Here are five types of Lancaster University student you’re destined to meet in Sugar

If you have been to Sugar then this article will have you nodding at your phone, remembering your interactions with these nightclub NPCs or perhaps you’ll realise that you in fact fit the bill for some of these characters.

However, if you haven’t been to Sugar, then this is an accurate taster of exactly who you will find within the club walls.

1. Overconfident Fresher

We’re starting off strong with the Fresher who simply cannot handle their drink.

If they’ve managed to get into the club without showing the entire Sugar queue their dinner on the street, they will surely be making the rounds. By ‘the rounds’ I mean making their way through friends and strangers alike, declaring their undying love for all and claiming each person as their best mate.

It is usually at this point of the night that they are guided to the LUSU water tent outside the club (a haven for all who have taken it too far).

2. Couple who should have stayed at home

If you have ever visited the smoking area then you will be familiar with the couple that absolutely should have stayed at home.

They give Shakespeare a run for his money when it comes to drama. They argue, break up, make up and continue in this vicious cycle until someone starts crying (often, this crier is a bystander, unable to withstand the not so private tête-à-tête).

3. ‘I’m only coming out for one’

I firmly believe that if you say “I’m only coming out for one,” you instantly doom yourself to a torturous hangover the next day.

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The aforementioned statement should be treated like “he who shall not be named” as, once you utter it, your fate is sealed (and it is a dark fate at that).

After pledging yourself to a tame night (one you expect to end before 11pm), you often find yourself staggering out the back of a taxi or, in this case, the Sugarbus post 3am. You will have lost a shoe in Sugar’s DJ booth and acquired someone else’s jacket; someone you will never meet. They become a mysterious figure, almost as mysterious as your shoe’s whereabouts.

But that’s beside the point; the real point is that this self-condemned club-goer will be having a better time than anyone else on that dance floor.

It’s just a shame that they’re the only person from the club who won’t remember what a good time they had once they wake up in a haze of hangxiety and regret.

4. VK Final Boss

We have all come across the VK final boss in Sugar. This is an unavoidable club character who takes advantage of those drinks deals with black cherry in one pocket, apple and mango in the other and the OG blue flavour in hand.

This VK Vacuum resembles a trench-coat wearing geezer who, instead of selling watches, sells you limitless VKs.

5. Therapist

If you’re in need of a therapist but you’re on a budget, have no fear. The Sugar bathroom will equip you with all the advice you will ever need.

Once you join the queue, you will meet your bespoke therapist: a fellow student whom you pour your heart out to and vow to take a bullet for, hearing their life story and hyping them up.

Of course, once you’ve used the hand dryer you will never see this life coach ever again but for 10 blissful minutes, you will have a friend for life. I have often found myself assuming the role of therapist and am yet to distinguish how exactly I continue to get myself into those situations.

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