‘Comparison and female rivalry’: The harsh reality of being a woman at Edinburgh University

I grew up as an outgoing girl, someone loud, opinionated, and a little odd. People noticed. Sometimes they laughed, sometimes they whispered, and for the most part, I didn’t really care.

By the time I reached university, socialising was no longer just about making friends. It became about maintaining a certain image, about appearances, and about constantly measuring yourself against everyone else. I realised that the pressure to fit in does not go away; it simply evolves. Eventually, you begin to wonder whether your personality itself is considered acceptable.

At Edinburgh, this awareness feels heightened. Walking into historic lecture halls, sitting in packed tutorials where everyone seems effortlessly confident, or scrolling through photos taken on cobbled streets and stone staircases makes it feel as though you are always being observed, even when no one is actually watching.

The layered pressure on women

Would you tell her that she’s not good enough?

For women, that pressure is layered and complex. Society expects you to be smart, but not so smart that you intimidate anyone. Ambitious, but not so ambitious that it makes others uncomfortable. Outspoken, but not too loud. Stylish, but not too bold. Friendly, but not overstepping, because friendliness quickly becomes an invitation for assumptions.

I have noticed myself, and those I surround myself with, softening in ways I never imagined. Speaking up in tutorials feels daunting, especially when you sit around a table with people who seem so confident. I overthink my words before I speak and suppress the traits that once made me who I am. It often feels easier than navigating judgment.

Walking into a room, sitting in a lecture, or standing in a group now comes with constant self-awareness, whether that is in the library, at a society event, or on the grass at the Meadows. I wonder if people notice weight changes, outfits, or shifts in confidence more than my personality. There is a quiet sadness in missing the person I was before university. She spoke freely, laughed loudly, and was unapologetically herself. I notice how often I now hold back.

Female rivalry

I love my beautiful friends

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Female rivalry is a reality that many do not talk about. It is subtle but pervasive, sometimes appearing as a pointed compliment or a whispered comparison. Appearance, grades, behaviour, and choices feel constantly measured. It is exhausting, especially when judgment comes from those you thought you had something in common with.

In an environment like Edinburgh, where achievement and individuality are both highly valued, comparison feels unavoidable. Even casual conversations after lectures or nights out can turn into quiet competitions.

Every action carries weight, and you start to question whether you are too much, not enough, or simply acceptable.

Final thoughts

Choose wisely. It might just work out for the better

Being where I am now has taught me that the people who matter appreciate you for the opinions others may judge. Silencing yourself might make the day-to-day easier, but it does not build a life where you feel like you truly belong.

University will always involve judgment, rivalry, and expectations, but that does not mean you have to shrink. The energy that once made people call me odd is the same energy that can carve out space for the right experiences. Being outgoing is not a flaw, it is your choice to make.

Eventually, you will see clearly that the only opinions that matter are your own. The only way to truly thrive is to stop editing yourself for everyone else. Trust yourself, reclaim your voice, and let yourself have a personality. Or don’t. In my opinion, you should make university your own experience.

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