Flirts and yappers: The 17 students you’ll see in Lancaster Uni’s library this exam season

The library is the place where the Lancaster Uni population congregates to collectively cry in the toilets and consume an insane amount of caffeine in the 12 hours before their deadline. As we head into exam season, students are going to be getting very familiar with the types of people they’ll come across in the depths of their dissertations, so we thought we’d prepare you by creating a list of all the personalities you’ll encounter in the next few months.

Whether you have no idea what Norma is or how to book a study room, or you basically rent a room in the back corner, this will help you either prep for the worst few months of your life or validate your hunch that the guy who always sits opposite you is in fact flirting with every girl on A floor.

1. The Coastal addict

They’ll tell you they love the 25 minutes on, five minutes off method, but really, they just spend 25 minutes flicking through sources they don’t need to read before running off to sit on the Alex Square steps with a Coastal iced latte for an hour.

2. The yapper

This one will be lucky if they write 10 words in four hours, but their social life is thriving and everyone around them will have been treated to overhearing the soap-opera worthy speech about their love life that they delivered to their friends.

3. The model

You stare at them with envy as they walk into the library with a perfectly curated fit and a chai latte in hand and you can tell that they didn’t spend the whole night crying over a 500 word conclusion like you did.

This is what jealousy feels like.

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4. The overnighter

They spent all morning napping, all afternoon selecting snacks and then stayed in the library for the whole night and well into the next day to submit their dissertation.

5. The one who’s trying to attract a robber

They have no fear, and would happily leave their laptop, their wallet and every single one of their most prized possessions on a shared table by the plant wall for at least four hours.

One day someone will have their stuff stolen, and we won’t be there to say we told you so.

6. That one couple

All you want to do is finish your essay in piece and you’re being distracted by that one couple who are ridiculously cutesy and seem to have lost all sense of their surroundings. It’s cute, but there’s a time and a place, and that is not the library at 2pm on a Monday. Especially when the person next to them is physically shaking and hunched over a stack of flashcards.

7. The one who brings crunchy crisps to C Floor

We all love a snack, but there are limits to how much a person expecting a silent floor can handle.

8. The procrastinator

You won’t have seen them in the library until this term, and you’ll probably never see them again.

9. The flirt

They’re always in the library and yet never seem to be finished with their work. It’s not because they have “so much to do”, it’s because they’re spending their days stalking the library regulars on Instagram and using shared tables as a replacement for Hinge. While we admire the dedication, maybe Insta stalking the girl who’s just trying to get through her deadlines without a mental breakdown isn’t the best way to get yourself brownie points.

10. The expert

The library might as well be their home, they know their way through it that well. While you’re still sat at your desk trying to decode the book locations, they’ve picked up your whole friendship group’s required reading.

11. The one who tries to sneak a Sultan’s in

It’s honestly tragic that you’re not allowed hot food in the library, because if we could all openly eat a Sultan’s while we’re studying, we’re pretty sure we’d all get Firsts. While the porters will sometimes kick you out for your sneaky Sultan’s scran, there are those people who can sneak onto C Floor with cheesy chips completely unnoticed. Please, give us your secrets.

12. The main character

They’ve cracked university life and are in the library from nine to five on the dot with a perfect outfit, the perfect playlist, and an ever-changing group of study partners. We need their social life, now.

13. The traumatised one

You’ll see them physically shaking at 4am as the clock ticks closer to their deadline, rewriting their conclusion for the thousandth time. You wish you could help them, but they’re too far gone.

14. The one with a 2L bottle of coke

We don’t know how they do it, but they seem to get all of their energy from the brand new 2L bottles they’re carting onto B Floor every day of the week.

15. The one who spends three hours crying in the toilets

They don’t even get any studying done.

16. The gigglers

Sometimes the gigglers can be worse than the people who full-out laugh; it’s unending, it’s louder than they think it is and it’s really throwing people off their work.

17. The Norma lovers

We will never understand the people who park themselves out in the open around Norma the tree, because it feels far too exposed to be at all productive. Maybe they just really love nature? We’re not sure, but they’re probably the same people that spend their study time watering the plant walls instead of replying to the messages about the group project.