Here are five things in Lancs that are more exclusive than seeing The Odyssey in IMAX

Here are five things in Lancs that are more exclusive than seeing The Odyssey, a film that has swept the box office this week, in its IMAX format.

From fighting for a seat in the library during exam season to being able to say that you are yet to take part in Cornerhouse karaoke, if you can identify with any of these top-exclusive Lancs headlines then I crown you Campus’s Odysseus (the IMAX version).

1. A seat in the library during exam season

We all entered the UCAS war before coming to Lancs. If you think that was competitive, you have not seen the savage beasts that populate the library during exam season, stalking each floor for seats and claiming a booth whilst they can. When you are writing your dissertation on a computer screen (blurred by the tears engendered by your academic strife), the IMAX screen suddenly feels much less significant. As does a cinema seat when a perch in the library is up for grabs.

2. Being first to step on the 100 at the Underpass

If you think queuing for a midnight viewing is a challenge, take a look at the Lancs underpass post 5pm. Once the clock strikes and students are relinquished from their evening lectures, it’s a free for all as you swim through crowds of people who are well acquainted with the underpass rush, seemingly vying for that first place spot in the haggle of commuters fighting to board the 100.

If you have ever found yourself in this highly exclusive spot, having navigated the underpass maze, I can only congratulate you. You are rare. Perhaps you will be able to secure those IMAX tickets after all.

3. You haven’t been blessed by the Siren-like sounds at Cornerhouse karaoke on a Wednesday

I compare the infamous Lancs karaoke night to Homer’s creatures as, like his sirens, the vocals of a Lancs student on a mic is deadly. Not only are you an exclusive member of Lancaster society if you are yet to experience such a sound, you are naive. You cannot faithfully say that you have had the full uni experience until you have experienced Cornerhouse karaoke. In fact, you can only make such a statement once you have participated in the karaoke.

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Unfortunately for the staff, they have heard me singing Robbie Williams’ Angels five too many times. If it’s any consolation before you take to the mic, you can only go up from there.

4. Being able to say that you are yet to have your food stolen by the seagulls and/or ducks that populate campus

Most of us have been there: a fresh Greggs in hand, perched on the stairs of Alexandra Square, ready to take that first bite and SNATCH! The thief is usually a seagull but those Lancs ducks cannot claim complete innocence; they are known to be partial to a Chicken Tikka wrap from the campus Spar.

If you are yet to experience this on-campus lunchtime theft, consider yourself highly exclusive. However, I would urge you to appreciate this short window of exclusivity. It is only a matter of time before a seagull inevitably victimises you, and your Greggs sausage roll.

5. You are yet to have an awkward encounter in Alex Square

Now this one really is IMAX level exclusive. Alexandra Square is often considered the hub of life on campus and with that definition, comes crowds, and with crowds come plenty of opportunity for awkward interaction.

Most of us have found a dance partner in the Square whilst en-route to a seminar. By a “dance partner” I mean the person obstructing your path that you come face to face with and proceed to stumble left and right at the exact same time and in the exact same direction that they move. This dance could last anywhere between two seconds and two  ours. Until one of you takes initiative and figures out how to escape this campus tango, you are locked in a limbo of excruciating awkwardness on the ramp of Alex Square.

If you are yet to meet your dance partner, I urge you to rehearse for this scenario in the mirror. Choose your side: left or right, and stick with it.

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