The Women’s Lacrosse team are set to destroy KCL
Kings’ win last year was definitely a fluke
UCL women’s lacrosse 1st team having only lost one match this entire season. Top of the BUCS 1A South East division they are not going let the ball slip now. After a devastating loss last year the girls are more competitive than ever, hoping a win on Sunday will finish a fantastic season.
The match is on Sunday 12th March at Tooting and Mitcham Football Club. Gates open at 4.30pm with the Women’s match starting at 5.30pm.
Here’s the team.
Alice (Midfield) Second Year
Alice is the most handy player on the pitch, literally. This girl is known to catch the ball in her hand ‘accidentally’ at least one per match. She recently signed her life away to some posh spin class and now spends most of her time flexing her quads at the opposition, leaving them asking ‘who the fuck is Alice Horn?’
Nadia (Defense) Second Year
With limbs like an octopus you’re going to see this girl get her stick on every interception. Nimble Nadia’s hobbies include making friends with Strand Poly students and taking photos of her thumbs in exotic locations. Oh, and she manages a branch of Snog on the side. Chill.
Tilly (Midfield) Third Year
Although Matilda left hockey over a year ago, she demonstrates her skills at every opportunity, dribbling the ball around the entire pitch. You probably won’t be able to see Tilly on the pitch, she is as quick as lightning but we are hoping she remembers what sport we are playing and picks up the ball.
Eloise (Attack) First Year
This first year medic has proven to be a solid addition to the 1s. When she isn’t in the Cruciform she is doing the worm outside Warren Street station. In a recent game of marry, kill, Netflix and chill Eloise revealed a new side, watch out Ben and Gary…
Emily (Midfield) First Year
Emily plays lacrosse for Wales. But then, so does every other person from Wales who’s ever played lacrosse. Expect this one to be hot on catching the draw and making electrifying goals from D.
Boys? Pah! For Emily only five guys at once will do.
Jenny (Center) Fourth Year
Jenny Beard is a big deal. Known to her fans as JB, she is the single fastest entity on the pitch. The ultimate lax party animal, guaranteed to be found on the loop dance floor at any given opportunity. JB will not be ‘sorry’ when she snatches the ball from every draw. Her prowess is only overshadowed by her boyfriend’s sister, who apparently also plays lacrosse?
Mickie (Attack) Fourth Year
Before Mickie went on her year abroad, she was a serial dater, heart breaker and Loop-inator. A year in Philly hardened Mickie to the ways of the world and she is now spends her final months of freedom in the library before she sells her soul to finance. Don’t underestimate her size: Mickie is known for her scrappiness and she will have two feet off the ground, using her full force with every shot. Despite playing in attack, she has the highest number of yellow cards to her name this season.
Lauren (Defence) Fourth Year
Lauren didn’t find a Loop equivalent in South America, following her year abroad she has been making up for lost time. Expect to see some insane interceptions with lightening quick checks. She’s a wall in D and a shoe-in to win every ground ball.
Harriet (Midfield) Third Year
If we are lucky, we are hoping to see Harriet arrive for the second half of the match. If you get a chance, ask to see her biceps – she usually keeps it on the down low but she actually works at the gym.
Amy (Midfield) Masters
Is Amy Jenny’s boyfriend’s sister? We’re still not sure … Don’t be deceived by her polite exterior, having come to UCL from the land of sheep and dragons aka Cardiff Uni, this masters student will dominate in mid and show kings who is boss.
Charlie (Goalie) Third Year
This Bionic Princess will be holding our team together from goal. Never has such a tiny girl been more fearless. Charlie is known for wearing the waviest of garms in goal, usually instead of protection. Charlie’s only weakness is her thigh-gap, which is responsible for the meager handful of goals she has let in between her legs this season.
Lara (Mid Attack) Second Year
Lara Bossy puts the cross in lacrosse. Constantly grumbling up and down the pitch, Lara is most likely to throw a tantrum in front of goal, or re-tear her ligament, our both. It’s hard to miss her bionic leg and overly expressive nose. Lara will usually be seen playing at both ends of the pitch as her ‘other half’ in mid-attack is guaranteed not to be doing much running.
Tara (Attack) Second Year
Oh Tara, where do we start? This is a girl known for losing her ID and then finding it in a pot of yoghurt in her fridge a week later. She often nonchalantly ‘pops off for a tan’ on the way back from away games. With the face of an angel and the mind of a mathematical genius, Tara is tipped to score a lot of goals off the crease.
Yvette (Defense) First Year
Don’t bother keeping your eyes peeled for Yvette on the pitch, you’ll hear her from a mile off. This chatterbox is pretty lethal in D, if she ever stops talking…. Despite studying Computer science and competing in “Hackathons”, Yvette should probably learn how to send a document over email next.
Katya (Attack) First Year
Due to extensive commitments and her hard working attitude in regards to academics Katya dropped off the face of the planet for a month or two whilst preparing for exams. Never before has a fresher had so many exams and assignments yet managed to keep a 100% attendance at Loop.