Forget milking, there's a new craze from those expert banticians in Newcastle.
Ever had a dispute that can’t be settled? From whose turn it is to boil the kettle, to which actor appeared in which movie. Or more serious perhaps, like who the Gaza Strip belongs to?
Well the answer to all your problems has arrived: Lizard Fighting.
In one quick Lizard Fight your argument will be settled once and for all: Israel will end its war with Palestine and the kettle will be boiled.
But what is this glorious new sport? Well, have a look for yourself:
The streets of Britain will never be the same, as men and women alike don their loops to wage a tug of war against one another.
The fight can be performed by single or mixed-sex opponents, making it the perfect level playing field for squabble solving.
Fantastic stories have already begun to emerge as a result of the Newcastle-born sport.
A few students decided to have a Lizard Fight on the streets on Edinburgh, present in the town after watching the Scotland vs South Africa rugby game.
The police watched from a distance and seemed not to mind until South Africans began to exchange money as one student began to call “Place your bets, five to one on Pass”.
So it seems that Lizard Fighting is not illegal, but betting on it illegally is. Even as they came over to break it up, the Rozzers commented on the fact they had seen ‘a good couple of rounds’.
The boys present swear they were close to getting the two officers to fight each other. Watch the video here.
Most people accredit Lizard Fighting to Matthew Proctor, a simple, Northern Irish farmer by birth, an inventor of war-ending sports by grace of god.
Matt says: “Well, I just thought it would add to the rugby socials so I thought why not?” Newcastle first saw Lizard Fighting at one of the uni rugby house parties, but it has evolved since then.
Matt continues: “It started with belts around each other’s heads, but one of the belts broke and the buckle flew into one of the competitor’s face almost taking his teeth out, it was at that moment that we decided new equipment was needed. You can do it with whatever you want but rugby socks seem to be our preference now.”
So now you know not to be confused, but excited, when you see people on all fours grunting and sweating as they tug at each other.
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Happy Lizard Fighting my friends.