First Team Hero Ready ‘to kill’

Chris Castelino has had a difficult 15 months. Amongst missing on a first in his exams and having less ‘rubs’ than the Pope he has also been out of his beloved game of rugby.

A horrific tackle in a routine fixture in late 2011 caused a rupture in his ACL, he walked on crutches for a year and his lack of mobility has lead to calls of ‘the longest guy ever’.

Our fallen hero with his crutches…

However regular gym sessions and bicep flexing in the nightclubs of Leamington have ensured he is on the mend. He says the time has come for his glorious return against our perrenial enemies – Coventry University.

His excess testosterone levels, regular use of ‘grenade’ and lack of action have culminated in a man who is raring to go and is issuing a ‘come and get me’ plea to first team captain Richard Newman.

Castelino, pre-injury…

He insists he is ready. Casually flexing his huge biceps in between sips of protein shake he adds ‘I’m ready to kill’.

It is his awareness of his bloodthirst that led to his withdrawal in yesterday’s 1st XV/2nd XV friendly. He insists if he had played ‘someone would have got ended’. The last thing we want is another sidelined hero.

‘Pick Me’?

A talisman for the 1st XV like Jack Wilshere for Arsenal the comparisons do not stop there: like Wilshere he has been sidelined, like Wilshere he is the heartbeat of this otherwise average outfit, like Wilshere he prefers to do his talking on the pitch rather than off it – a case many Warwick women will testify to.

Spectating from afar… Ready to return.

Other notable members of the rugby club have also added staunch support for his return: James Oyedele, campus renown sesh monkey, adds ‘I think Castelino is in line to play so could be hilarious’ and ‘the impact he will have is immeasurable both in the dressing room and out of it’.

Castelino, after all, is the man who scored the winning try in the 2010/11 varisty final.

Dom Rey, 1st XV fly half, when asked about Castelino’s return seemed enthusiastic, amid all the nodding and smiling we were able to discern one word, a simple ‘yes’.

Dom Rey, 1st team fly-half, in action.

The time has come, the rugby pitch beckons and Castelino will be there to answer. Coventry better watch out, there’s a killer on the loose…