Helping your pets find dates in lockdown, because why not
With 362 days until the next V-day, we have time (and boredom) to get them all hitched.
When swiping through Tinder, it isn’t uncommon to find people managing accounts on behalf their friends – be that because of their constant moaning about being single, or an understandable lack of confidence to do it themselves. Perhaps we shouldn’t just be doing this for our human friends, but also the most loyal friends we have, our pets (I mean, it’s not like they can do it themselves right?).
We asked the good people of The University of Sussex to submit their cutest photos and descriptions of their four-legged children, and they delivered. Here are some suggestions about what their profiles might include:
It would perhaps be fitting to include the old dating cliché that she enjoys long walks on the beach, however, that will only end in you carrying a lazy terrier most of the way home. Her favourite past-time is asserting dominance in her home area. What she’s really looking for is someone to share her throne with as Queen of the Cul-de-Sac; perhaps a gentle giant who looks intimidating, but will treat her like the royalty she is.
Sadly, Vosje is the only cat we got sent, but that doesn’t mean we can’t find him his dream match. Like us all, he is a real sucker for attention and struts around like the beautiful diva he is. Vosje is also a foodie, and will appreciate any donations of snacks that you may have going. With that, it really won’t be hard to keep him happy. Just meet those two requirements and all will be fine.
If you want to impress Kali, you better crack open the cheddar: she is an avid cheese lover and will fight you for the last nub of red Leicester any day. When not in the vicious pursuit fo cheese, Kali will be either playing in snow, or crying about the fact she can’t play in snow. Like Vosje she’s probably really not that hard to please, just make sure she has her cheese and snow.
We don’t know much about Bilbo, other than he loves to do a meerkat impression. Do you really need any more information than that? From his name, we can only assume that he’s looking for the perfect person to share in an adventure with him. We’re sold, Bilbo.
It seems Julie has a real rival when it comes to the small-dog-syndrome contest. According to her owner, Tilly is a real fan of asserting her dominance also; a real clash of personalities may be present if these two match. Do not let this put you off however, she’s a very clever lil doggo who will play dead at the flick of a wand (and with the words avada kedarvra). Apart from avoiding “he who shall not be named”, she enjoys the company of a giant labradoodle; so you best be warned if you mess with her, she has an enforcer.
If interested, please follow her @tillsthepup. If you don’t she won’t be angry, just very disappointed!
Let’s hope that Zenz doesn’t get through matches as quickly as she gets through socks: they do not stand a chance against her appetite for footwear. According to her owner, she loves to stare longingly out the window – we can therefore only conclude her to be a hopeless romantic . If she could talk she would probably spend her days quoting Oscar Wilde; making her so loveable and easy to get along with for fellow romantics.
Everyone needs to be nice to Angus, he’s recently turned 11. He’s probably real sad about spending his last birthday in lockdown, so a nice match would really cheer him up. In any case we should make sure to send him our birthday wishes, he deserves all our love. It’s also safe to say his cake probably didn’t last too long.
If we had a competition for the best photo sent in, this one might win. I mean who couldn’t love that smile – admittedly this is because she’s midway through gnawing on a stick she found – but it’s a beautiful smile nonetheless. From this, we can probably assume that Gracie is a daredevil, who doesn’t let anything hold her back. Some would describe her as crazy, but there’s the right person out there who sees her really as a free spirit. Keep doing what you’re doing Gracie.
Some would call Peaches needy, but we call her loving and affectionate. She really needs someone who’s there 24/7, and she really won’t be hard pressed to find someone who is. She has all the looks and the fashion sense to reel in any match that comes her way. Who else could think of something as innovative as a croc hat?
Don’t let Teddy’s young age trick you, he’s really a soppy old soul who wants nothing more than to chill with his tennis ball. With that, he’ll probably be really useful in lending hand in Christmas decoration – as seen in his photo. All in all, a solid dependable pup.
Meet Nellie, like her brother Teddy she really enjoys just generally relaxing and snacking on whatever she can get her hands on. Anyone who can provide her with food and who wouldn’t disturb her sleep, will have a good job at keeping this one happy.
Alfie seems like the kinda guy who would eat anything you give him, and so you won’t have much trouble in keeping him happy (just make sure you have plenty of treats on you). From his photo it looks like he also loves the beach, so we can confirm that he would be partial to long walks on them – unlike Julie.
Annie and Florence:
Sorry folks, these two come as a pair: you mess with one, you will have to face their wrath of them both. Florence likes long walks and sunny days, while Annie loves getting her hair cut and lots of cuddles. We could not name a more iconic duo if ever there was one.