Bastards, books and buzzkills

Generally the most common and almost always found in the quiet section – these are the people who keep their voices down to a minimum, but that minimum always seems to just reach you. On the one hand, they are the least evil of the library talkers, as they have some basic consideration for those of you trying to work. But on the other, they’re talking in the quiet section. The quiet section. The clue is in the name, people!

Frequently found in the computers by the entrance but sometimes found in the quiet section, these are the people who don’t bother to pretend to care about anyone in their vicinity, and hold their ridiculous conversations with the same volume that you normally reserve for 2am in the Bop. As we’ve just come back from the Christmas break, the library is filled with piercing screams of joy as friends reunite having been separated for all of two weeks. This sometimes edges toward the Bastard category (more on that later).

Perhaps the most astounding conversation I’ve ever overheard in St Andrews was during exams in my first year, when two girls sitting next to me were talking about how annoying it was when people talk when you’re trying to work. And, yes, they were both American before anyone asks. Otherwise, the people that fall into this category are those that give others the library stare of death when they talk to their friends, only to delve into a 15 minute conversation the moment someone they know drops by.

These are the people who should just be shot on sight. I’m not even joking. Screw my liberal principles; I want these people put down like an unloved pet. The Ultimate Bastard is the person who comes into the library during exams and loudly lets everyone know that they’ve finished. Frankly, I hate people who finish exams before me anyway, so finishing exams and then pissing me off while I revise is a serious no-go.