Mistakes you will definitely make during your first year

You will be convinced you have chlamydia


Freshers is a time where you will really let loose – a time where it’s accepted and encouraged to go as crazy as you possibly can. However, the best year of your life will not happen without a few small errors.

You will throw up in a club.

It’s all fun and games at the beginning. OMG a foam party! It reminds you of that Gavin and Stacey episode where Smithy, Gav and friends go to “to touch up girls without them knowing”. Instead of it being a sick night, you will just be sick in a dingy toilet with a person you have only known for 5 hours rubbing your back whilst you cough up digested foam. Bubble baths will never be the same again.

budgie-tovey-19

You will think you are in love.

You met them in the smoking area, where all true love blossoms, and proceeded to get with each other against the fire escape for the next 20 minutes. They have to leave – their friends are waiting for them – but they take your number and promise to text. They are the one, you think. My soul mate. So what if I don’t know their name – it was love at first sight. You can’t stop thinking about them. The next week, you see them getting with someone else against the same fire escape in the same smoking area. “That was our spot!”, you cry as you weep yourself to sleep. You may never love again.

You will think you have chlamydia.

As you’re waiting for the text back from the clinic, you are freaking out. What if you do actually have chlamydia?! You’ve only kind of had sex once, but what if the condom broke? Wait, did we even use a condom?! It was so long ago you don’t remember. (On a serious note, you probably don’t have chlamydia, but it doesn’t hurt to get tested).

You will think you are pregnant.

That’s it. You’re pregnant. You’re two days late for your period! You’ve never been late before in my life. Thoughts of nappies, dummies and disappointed parents swirl through your brain as you manage to convince yourself that you’ve made a baby with Luke the Oceana barman.  You’re going to have to drop out and become a full time mum. You’re not financially or emotionally mature enough for this. You can’t be responsible for a child! You can’t even look after yourself yet! (Again, if you are actually worried you’re pregnant, a test is only £9).

You will think the people on the group chats will be your best friends.

Swapping stories of drunken nights out and misadventures in Napa, they all seem so cool and funny. Once you actually meet them you realise their scandalous tales of Zante were probably highly exaggerated and some of them seem like they’ve never encountered a human being before. Probably best to keep a bit of a distance.

You will judge someone before you speak to them.

You’ve heard stories circulating about them, with people telling you that they’re a bit of a weirdo. When you come to meet them you realise that they are actually really nice and friendly. It was all just petty rumours spread to liven up a dead pres that could have just as easily been about you. Moral of the story = don’t form an opinion of someone till you’ve actually met them.

You will trust strangers.

It’s the first night of freshers. You’re in the middle of the dance floor, Will Griggs is on fire and you’re having the time of your life. Suddenly, there’s a pounding in the middle of your forehead that you just can’t ignore. You hurry to the toilet for a breather and whilst you nurse your poor head, a friendly stranger appears. You tell them about your pounding head, and they offer you some painkillers. Taking them, you can’t believe how nice everyone is at uni. You are wrong. It wasn’t paracetamol. It was ecstasy. You don’t remember the last 12 hours.

You will sleep with your flatmate.

You’re both tipsy and slightly fancy each other. As the old saying goes, one thing lead to another, and boom – there was penetration. It was just a bit of consensual fun. You’re sure it won’t be awkward.

You’ll ignore said flatmate for the foreseeable future.

False. It’s awkward. It’s more than awkward. It’s a disaster. Last week you were the best of friends, now you can barely look at each other while you eat your Aldi brand cereal. Now both of you and the rest of your flat live in tension for the next 9 months. You decide to ignore them until you move out.