"Hey, Mum", football is saying down the phone, "I'm coming home". Football's Mum is so happy. Football is bringing home all of its washing, it hasn't had working wifi in months, it's lived off a diet of penne and other assorted pasta shapes. FOOTBALL'S COMING HOME and it's gonna spend all its time at home in the one local nightclub available to it and annoying its Mum when it comes home at 2am, because that's late now – God, Mum.
Here's clubbers of the week.
'Thinking about England's set piece routines' of the week
'Sam Allardyce looking on as football comes home' of the week
'Football calling it's Mum to tell her it's coming home' of the week
'Three Lions on a shirt, waking up still steaming' of the week
'When England get a corner' of the week
'When you're Kieran Trippier and you whip in a corner and John Stones is there to meet it with a bullet header into the far corner' of the week
'Index fingers up if you think Raheem Sterling is treated unfairly by the English media' of the week
'Middle fingers up to all the people who've put Colombia/Sweden/Croatia flags in their Twitter name because they refuse to believe football is coming home' of the week
'What goes on in Jordan Pickford's head every time he makes an impressive save' of the week