If Taylor Swift’s exes went to Notts these are the halls they would’ve been in

Harry Styles would be in Ancaster, obviously

A major factor as to why I think there is a large amount of popular interest regarding Taylor Swift and her relationships, apart from the absolute anthems which are born as a result of them, is the relatability many people can find in them in regards to their owns lives. This got me to thinking as to how exactly a student here at UoN would find any semblance of comparison to draw to Taylor, and then it hit me: the halls.

We all know the halls and their residents, the stereotypes and the rumours – so how would they fare in terms of Taylor’s exes? Asking myself this question quickly lead me to learn there’s a lot that can be said about the character of each hall’s resident, and that with enough thought, it isn’t too unreasonable to categorise them into manifestations of guys that Taylor has dated.

So, without further ado, I present to you which hall of residence each of Swift’s ex-boyfriends would’ve probably gone to if they were to go to Notts.

Joe Jonas – Florence Boot

Want a hall which is isolated from pretty much every extremity of the campus? A hall that embraces subculture like a close friend? A little bit of a rebel hall which keeps to itself? Well, I’m sure Joe Jonas after his years at the prying eyes of teenagers globe-over would. Then, might I introduce Florence Boot, a hall whose community of go-getters and party animals inspires an almost family-like attitude within its residents.

While its proximity to LASS might not be particularly advantageous to Mr Jonas per se, being a musician and all, I think FloBo really stands out as the place he’d go for the fact it is such a close-knit community of residents, something his previous stardom might’ve denied him a little bit. Despite this though, he still has a decent range to go out and explore the neighbouring halls, and if he dares, Broadgate and its terribly normal residents.

Taylor Lautner – Rutland

Rutland is your very middle of the road sort of hall, the residents are all cheerful and the building isn’t halfway bad looking, but if you were to ask anybody about a distinguishing feature about the hall and the things which go on inside it, I’m sure you’d be hard-pressed to find anyone who has something of unique value to say.

Thus, much like Lautner and that one role he’s known for, the only people who will actually actively hold decent conversation about it, are a group of residents talking about the very place they live – exciting stuff.

John Mayer – Cripps

With its huge rooms and well-regarded social atmosphere on account of its quality common areas, Cripps is held to be one of the more friendly and universally liked halls of those at Notts. The residents are down to earth, know how to have a good laugh, and are generally never a poor option as a mate to take along on a night out. Therefore, I think John Mayer, who’s best known for his chill, can-do approach to making music and playing the guitar, would suit the hall in its entirety.

I can already see him now in Latitude, with a small crowd of people flocked around him, intently listening in on a conversation about his music, all with the aims of dragging them back to the JCR where he has, unbeknownst to many, left his guitar just so he can show off how slick he is.

Jake Gyllenhaal – Hugh Stewart

Hugh Stewart, for all its flaws, is the only hall that can come up against Cripps for its location. Central to every major building and with an architectural style after my own little 1800s-loving gothic heart, the hall, colloquially known to the residents as ‘Hu Stu’, has the type of residents you might expect from such a place: the private school lot.

Gyllenhaal therefore, the man who has been at the centre of recent Swift-related controversy, coming from a fairly well off family with deep ties to Hollywood and the acting industry, seems like the exact sort of Liberal Arts or Drama student to take up residence here, possibly becoming a local legend for his extravagance.

Harry Styles – Ancaster

Ah, Ancaster. Chic exterior, beautiful gardens, modern room design, and an excellent location, quite central to a lot of the main buildings in university park. It’s difficult not to like this hall. The only drawback I’ve really heard many people talk about when it comes to Ancaster is the lack of a real social area.

Despite this flaw, I’m fairly confident in saying that Harry wouldn’t shy away from being able to live in Ancaster’s relative comfort. After all, despite his eccentric personality, he seems to be the sort of person to appreciate private life and time away from the spotlight, while still always being able to get media representation where he can.

You know, the sort of student you don’t see for days on end within your own residence and as a result take the conclusion he isn’t much of a socialite, but then you somehow manage to see them on campus chatting to everybody they seem to come across.

Calvin Harris – Raleigh Park

First off, I’d like to say there is absolutely no chance Calvin Harris would’ve even considered Notts as a uni he’d like to go to for the mere fact he’s Scottish and would have had his higher education paid for by the Scottish government for studying in Scotland as a result.

I think it’s safe to assume Raleigh Park, being the closest equivalent to a Scottish uni’s domestic get-up with its drinking, loud parties in the common room, and close proximity to Lidl, make it the perfect candidate for Mr Harris to crack out the decks and get busy making some bangers while the rest of the gaff gets to getting smashed, all in technicolour.

Would this man actually do any of his degree? Nope. But he might find a pretty lady along the way who’ll support his passion for music, while he simultaneously supports hers, too. Although I can imagine if Swift herself were to come to Notts, she’d definitely be a music student who attends her classes, so quite the opposite.

Tom Hiddleston – Nightingale

I’m going to go out on a limb and speculate it was maybe Swift’s previous heartbreak and subsequent necessity for a rebound that got her into this relationship and I think the shortness of it and the lack of any real bad blood of its fallout shows Tom didn’t want to drag things out any longer than was necessary.

In that way, Nightingale hall seems like the perfect fit for Hiddleston: a more-than-cool and highly respectable place which in comparison to some of the other halls of residence, is practically a hotel. Nice rooms, friendly people of all different backgrounds, and a very aesthetically pleasing symmetry to it, I can just imagine him bringing Taylor along to one of the hall’s ResX events and taking her mind off things for a little while.

Probably the only one on the list to have a genuine little flair of class to it, Nightingale Hall stands a humble and supportive community of people who are not only academically intelligent but emotionally intelligent, too. As a man who seems to exemplify all of these qualities in his own self, I’m sure Tom would not only fit in here, but thrive.

Related articles recommended by this author:

• Your first year in Notts as told by Taylor Swift lyrics

• If Nottingham’s nightclubs were part of your friendship group, who would they be?

• Every disaster you’ll face trying to cook a uni house Christmas dinner