Why is house-hunting at Nottingham so hard?

“Have you sorted out your house yet?”

That dreaded question which seems to be flying around amongst all freshers at the moment. Just when you thought your time at uni as a first year wasn’t moving any faster, the time has come to find your house for second year.

We have come to face the reality that we will not be living in our halls forever. Say goodbye to the fortnightly visit of the cleaner, the JCR of Cavendish and the banging burgers from Echo and say hello to the motherland of UoN students that is Lenton.

Bye bye halls

Who knew sorting out a house could be so stressful? As freshers we have known our uni friends for a mere two months, yet we are expected to be able to decide on a group of friends to live with for our entire second year?

Finding people to live with isn’t even the worst part. It’s the actual process of finding a house. There are about 25 different roads in the Lenton area – how do we choose?

Do we go for Teversal or Kimbolton? Harrington or Harlaxton? From a fresher’s point of view it is literally a case of picking one at random.

Our future home

You’ve randomly picked a house which looks half decent, you organise a viewing and if you like the look of it it’s time to go through the paperwork.

While most questions on the application form are relatively straightforward, some will have you on the phone to your mum asking things like “Mum, how much loan am I receiving a year?” or “Mum, what’s my national insurance number?”

You’ll also be questioning whether you have ever done anything to warrant a criminal record…

“Mum, have I ever been convicted of arson?”

Once you’ve managed to work your way through this mindfuck and you’ve got your money for the deposit sorted, it’s time for the final hurdle – the meeting.

This is when you collect all of your money together and meet with your landlord to hand in your forms, sign some papers and laugh at their shit jokes in order to give off the impression that you’re a nice bunch of lads who will keep their property in good shape.

Signing a groundbreaking deal

Then you have the awkward situation of deciding who gets which room, as of course there are some rooms more desirable than others.

Methods of solving this range from the mere game of “shotgun” (of which you have to be quick) to helpful housemate’s suggestion of getting everyone to the sperm bank and sorting the pick of rooms depending on sperm count.

Once you’ve sorted that out, there you have it, your house is finally sorted. You’ve signed the docs, you’ve paid the deposit and you now feel like an organised adult.

Now you can sit back, relax and get ready to worry about January exams.