Forget the squad on a night out – it’s time to embrace the bromance

I love you bro Montana


It’s the middle of July, an outstandingly mediocre Wednesday night comes around and you’re gasping for a night on the town. You send a probe out on the group chat and anxiously await the response. Hours pass and the feedback is far from even lukewarm. Lukewarm apart from one equally pioneering friend that also isn’t afraid to break the mould and stick a finger up at society’s norms.

At this point, society tells you to give in, to accept defeat and move on with your life. Your friends with summer jobs, life goals and actual aspirations are far too sensible to throw a solid night’s sleep away for one of the sweatboxes masquerading as a night out in your pokey college town. But why should this mean the end of your hopes of a weekday shant? At what point did it become impossible to have fun with just one friend?

It’s time to embrace the dynamic duo. No more costly rounds, no more waiting for an age to get a cab big enough for the whole squad, it’s time to accept that the best nights are the ones spent with someone you can actually tolerate, not a big group where there’s always gonna be one weak link.

Two's company, three's a crowd

Two’s company, three’s a crowd

You might think pre-game is likely to pose an early obstacle. But the simplest solutions are the best ones, whack on some tunes and play FIFA without having to worry about switching controllers or ever having to play ring of fire.

It’s key to leave your arrival till the club is at its crescendo. It’s very obvious if you’re the two sad acts who, not only couldn’t get a whole team together, but who also had nothing better to do but be in the club at nine.

But, when arriving on time, the two-man entrance is not only a spectacle in itself, but an ultimate ego-boost, that sets the tempo for the night ahead.

Dynamic duos are the only way to handle a hometown spoons.

Dynamic duos are the only way to handle a hometown spoons.

When two of you hit the floor, there’s no distractions, no large squad to pull the eye away from you, it’s the best entrance you could possibly manufacture in a scummy chain club.

Once in, a strong duo maintains an allure that the big group will never have. Who are those two? Why are they so aloof? How dare they question society’s norms in a way we wouldn’t dare? – all questions running through the mind of mere mortals stuck in their awkwardly large groups.

When trying to get as shitfaced as possible, a two-man drinking team is the most efficient way to chop through the amount of alcohol necessary to forget the stickiness of your local Spoons. With no breaks for tedious group pics, looking after those that can’t handle the shots or making awkward conversation with a distant mate, the two of you can actually focus on the primary activity of getting mortal.

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One of the very (very) few advantages of the weekday session is the absurd drinks deals used to reel punters in. The last time I went on a two man sesh we were able to fully take advantage and go from buzzed to totally fucked up in a matter of minutes, and took to the dance floor and made it ours.

When there’s only two of you, there is much less shame in reaching deep into your lockers and pulling out the most outrageous shapes. No judgemental eyes from the boys who want a serious night of hooking up or having to leave early because someone can’t hack it, when there’s only two, you are the masters of your own destiny, there’s only one other person to account for, socially it’s as close as you can get to the freedom of a solo mad one.

Overall though,the two man night out represents a refreshing change from extortionate rounds and tedious group photos. A brief respite from the world of friends of friends and hometown weirdos.  So, the next time numbers are looking a little low for a night out, why not just go for it? We did, and barely even regretted it.