In defence of being a Sugar Baby
No I do not have daddy issues
Prostitute? Slut? Penniless? Emotionally dependant?
These are the things that spring to mind when people try to conjure up their image of the stereotypical sugar baby.
As a 21-year-old Nottingham student who delved into the sugar lifestyle I want to set the record straight, and hell, even recommend it to the more adventurous among our student body.
It’s way more honest than a lot of dating scenes I know of. I first heard about the sugar scene whilst I was travelling the US and admittedly, I wasn’t immediately taken by the idea either.
It seemed seedy and pretty much went against all the relationship advice I’d ever been given. However, after I saw a few friends use the site, and how genuinely happy they were with their partners, I decided to take the plunge.
Before you say it – no I do not have daddy issues, an out of hand drug problem or even just a tendency to sleep around, I was just bored and fancied a change.
I began by setting up an account on seekingarrangement.com and then just waited to see what happened.
A few days later I had 10 messages, some offering me a lot of money and trips on yachts in the Mediterranean. I began setting up dates with a few guys I was interested in. There’s your first sugar myth debunked: you can date.
It’s not a case of just getting with the first guy who gives you the time of day or offers to pay your tuition fees (which did happen later), a genuine connection is still important on both sides.
You choose them just as much as they choose you; the financial benefit is just an added bonus.
Several weeks later I found myself on a date with Adam, a 35-year-old investment banker from London and we really hit it off.
I even stopped noticing the age thing and was just enjoying listening to someone who had more interesting stories to tell than the time they spewed over the bar in Ocean.
I ended up seeing him for seven months and I can 100% say I don’t regret it. I ate in restaurants all over London and even stayed at the luxurious Trafalgar hotel.
Yes, we did have sex but no, I wasn’t pressured. Yes, he helped me out financially, but no, he didn’t slyly pass me wads of cash under the table in return for a blowjob.
The financial side was relatively small and mainly paid my academic costs, with a few shopping trips to London boutiques and a gym membership on the side, but I can’t deny it raised my standard of student living.
When I finally worked up the courage to tell my friends, I got mixed reactions. The more liberal among them were on the whole pretty cool but I still got a few of the old hooker comments thrown in.
My response? It’s no worse than a whole host of other dating options out there. While tinder obviously isn’t about the money, you’re still judging someone based on one miniscule part of themselves – their looks.
How is that any less superficial? Or what about the girls who spend all weekend in classy bars trying to trap some poor bloke with a big wallet?
At least the guys on seekingarrangement know what they want, there’s no lying or sucking up, just brutal honesty. It’s actually proactive. Both parties end up getting what they want.
I wasn’t looking for serious, just something more adventurous than the norm.
So while my friends were off trying to fuck every fresher that moved, I got the best of both worlds – excitement, a guy I actually liked and great sex.
And even now that I’m happily settled with a guy my own age, it’s still not a phase I regret. People do much weirder shit during their time at uni, at least mine brought some perks.