Things you could buy with Hallward’s Half Million

It was revealed yesterday that UoN has taken almost half a million in fines in the last two years, so we sat down and thought of how we’d get rid of the cash…

305 Presidential Armani Suits

Chiseled jawline unfortunately not included

Handmade in Italy from ‘pure virgin wool’, this classic two-piece from Harrod’s is the natural choice for anyone who considers themselves a sartorial connoisseur, and with 305 there’s enough for every librarian too!

17 Houses in Liverpool

United fans need not apply

Ever fancied ruling over your own small domain? By buying 17 of these bad boys, you’ll control an entire street in the Anfield area of Merseyside to do with what you please.

77,500 Copies of The Wolf of Wall Street

Quaaludes sold separately

To live the life of a semi-millionaire, you have to learn from the King of reckless hedonism himself. With enough copies for nearly everyone at Notts to get two, you could spread the inspiration across all campuses. Or teach the entire population of Basingstoke how to be douchebags, your call.

Entrance and a JaegerBomb to Crisis for 66,000 people

Should you feel like a charitable sort, you could take the entire student population of Notts (Trent included) to Crisis and get them a drink. You will then be owed 66,000 drinks back which you could cash in any time for a life of crippling alcoholism.

2,173,500 Leaflets from the SU print shop

Want to run the largest SU election campaign the world has ever seen? Or simply tell everyone in a ten mile radius how much of a nice guy you are? The SU can help. With their state of the art print shop, 2 million leaflets should take no time at all.

960,000 Pints of Milk from Hallward

Hallward – coming to the aid of milk addicts since 1972

It seems only fair that the money from book fines should remain in the Hallward economy and with this much milk you could fill the boots of nearly 2000 Landrovers. Just because you could.

269 bottles of 1855 Tawny Port

When this Port was made, the Titanic wasn’t even a boat, let alone a cinematic masterpiece

Give NUCA the time of their lives with the most extravagant Port and Policy this side of the empire, and drink something even her Maj thinks is posh.

101 Yamaha Jetskis

Wonder if they could also include 101 trailers?

With an incredibly photogenic lake right here on campus, it would be stupid to omit possibly one of the coolest ways to get around ever. Take your pick from the lake or the Trent as you and your extended entourage travel with style across Notts’s waterways.