7 Girls 1 Mug: Everyone’s Pulled

*3 out of the 8

After my last outing when I dabbled with some pretty high end political commentary, I thought it was high time I took on another big issue. The promiscuity of the modern university girl. Strap in my beautiful feminist readers, this might get tense.

Let me set the scene. It was a Thursday night and Market Bar was very much on the cards. Like many households across Lenton we have had a tempestuous relationship with the venue in question. More often than not the girls come back with tales of nicked phones or misplaced dignities. Not this night.

This particular Thursday they didn’t come back with just tales. They came back with men.

I was still awake and pottering (who the fuck potters) around the house when the first slunk back with her hunk of a lil somethin’ somethin’. I heard the pleasantries and the charade of  friendly downstairs drink before I took my leave praying for an undisturbed sleep.

Come the morning and I felt far fresher than my dehydrated housemates. The next day the toilet seat had been left up. 

I have become so well house trained that this simply does not happen in our house. I haven’t taken a piss standing up since November.

I was excited to have some male camaraderie in the house; I had big plans to maybe whip my new brethren up a celebratory breakfast; at least a protein shake to help them recover from the vigorous seeing to they no doubt received.

To my dismay both of our guests were smuggled out of the house before you could say ‘morning glory’. Guest #1, let’s call him, ‘Encore’, was the first to leave and seemed somewhat meek as he was re-released into the morning sun like a young hatchling and was quick to his phone to no doubt let the boys know of his antics.

Guest #2, let’s call him rugged surfer dude, strode out onto the Lenton pavement like a man who’s used to wearing the same clothes the next morning. He left a token of his appreciation by abandoning his boxers at the scene of the crime. I personally think we should get a guest book to stop quite such tangible gifts being left behind.

I have quite a lot of respect for a man who can swan off to his 10am after a heavy night, whilst being commando. I haven’t said much about Guest #3, let’s just say he wasn’t as lucky as the other two.