7 Girls & 1 Mug: President Trumps

Muggins finds out what his ladies think of our candidates…

Election time is here again. A very confusing period of time, mainly because you’re contending with deadlines at the same time as doing battle with the strange overachievers who keep trying talk to you as you leave Hallward.

It’s important to have your say but knowing what is what, and who to entrust the SU to can be a daunting task. The girls watched the candidates videos and and had a peek at the manifestos and let me know what they thought. Fairly sure we covered all the important bases:

Johnny Lawrence

Buffness/general attractiveness: 10
Douchebaggery: 4

‘I think he’s hilarious’
‘I love ANAL’ (need to watch his video for this one’
‘I would dominate him in the bedroom’
‘I fancy the bald man in his video’
‘I want to marry him’
‘his video is a must’


Anil Parmar

Buffness/general attractiveness: 8
Douchebaggery: 2
Campaign: 4
Policies: 7

‘No video, no vote’
‘I just farted I’m that excited’
‘he has good eyebrows’
‘boy you’d bring home to mum’
‘I kinda wanna squeeze his cheeks’


Tom van Wesseldine

Buffness/general attractiveness: 7.5
Douchebaggery: 5
Campaign: 6.5

‘looks a bit glum in his picture’
‘well made video’
‘policies aren’t that inspiring’
‘reds a strong color’- obvious left wing connotations for someone quite so double barreled
‘too many friends’
‘too many hoodies’
‘good logo’
dubious about ‘ implementation of a video chat facility for the University Intranet’


Shehroze Khan

Buffness/general attractiveness: 7
Douchebaggery: 1
Campaign: 3 (haven’t seen him around)
Policies: 6

‘Bringing geek-chic back’
‘friendly face’
‘cheeky grin’
‘I wouldn’t mind being tickled by that beard’


Ellie McWilliam

Buffness/general attractiveness: 8
Douchebaggery: 2
Campaign: 5

‘sponsored by Apple’
‘I’d give her one’
‘We don’t feel we get enough of her personality coming through with the video’
‘girl power’
‘too many men, too many many men’
‘if she has a vagina I’m voting for her’


Luke Mitchell

Buffness/general attractiveness: 7
Douchebaggery: 2
Campaign: 4
Policies: 8

‘big claims on the manifesto’
‘haven’t seen anything of his campaign’
‘should have done a video!’
‘no slouch on the CV front’


The Dark Knight

Buffness/general attractiveness: 10 (rivaling Johnny)
Douchebaggery: 10
Campaign: 0
Policies: 7

‘I’d bang Bruce’
‘feel like we need a bat signal in Lenton’
‘well fit picture’