Trent Deny STI Allegations

“He’s actually clean! He got the text today!”

Ahead of tonight’s big Varsity game, Trent’s Darts President has strongly denied the claims that he has an STI.

As The Tab revealed on Sunday, UoN President Conor Jones expressed his belief that opposite number Sam Roberts has contracted a sexual disease.

Co-Presidents Roberts and Dalton

But as the news came through that Roberts was in fact infection-free, he was keen to let The Tab know. His co-President, Jason Dalton, said: “He’s actually clean! He got the text today!”

Dalton went on to respond to UoN, calling their team the ‘undateables’ before questioning the sexual prowess of tonight’s opponents: “What we want to know is do the UoN darts team even know how to catch an STI? They’d have to have sex to get one, you see…”

Dalton also responded to the claims that Trent didn’t bring enough players to last year’s game: “We didn’t turn up with too few players last year. We were only asked for five!” He said. “Their captain didn’t have the bollocks to drop people from his own team so he brought more than they needed. They turned up with about 15 people!”

No STI! Drink to that!

With regard to this year’s match, Trent are feeling supremely confident. They have already beaten UoN twice this year, and they can’t see their run stopping tonight: “We’re putting a weakened team out because we’re getting bored of winning. We’re going to win every single game.”

There have been rumours that there was a fight at last year’s event, but Dalton said that this isn’t what happened: “No, I don’t think there was a fight last year. It was 80% UoN last year because we only had a week to advertise it.

“However, me and Sam [Roberts] did get kicked out. When I was playing my game somebody chucked a pint and it hit me on the back so I did throw some of my darts into the crowd…”

Get tickets for an unforgettable night here.