Best of Overheard UEA

Back in 2009/10 the Overheard UEA group became hotter than a vindaloo curry. 

It involved people posting stuff they had overheard which was either funny, interesting or just plain bizarre. The only rule was you could never use the names of the people involved.

Here’s some of the best of the entries posted on the group:

Guy 1 (trying to beat LCR toilet queue by weeing in the sink.): Thing is mate, these sinks are disgusting anyway, I wouldn’t touch these taps.
Guy 2: That’s because people like you keep weeing in them!
Guy 1: Chicken and egg, mate. Chicken and egg.

Whilst serving someone at work:
Guy 1: “Have you ever had Sex on the Beach?”
Guy 2: (sniggering) “A waitress asked my brother that in a cocktail bar in London. He said ‘nah but I had a wank on the bus once.’

Last night after my friend said she wasn’t coming out… I find her wandering by herself SMASHED in mercy…
Me: “**** how come you decided to come out in the end!?”
Friend: “I fucking love Optic on a Monday”
Me: “Mate, its Mercy and it’s a Thursday!”

My friend and I having a discussion about living arrangements next year.
Me: Don’t know where I am going to live next year.
My friend: Don’t worry about it, just find some post grad’s as they are always busy, get your head down and get your grades up to the third we all know you are capable of getting.
Me: :-/

In the UEA post office.
Man buying mother’s day card: I probably shouldn’t tell you this.
Man behind counter: Oh?
Man buying mother’s day card: But my mother’s a necrophiliac.
Man behind counter looks at him with a shocked expression
Man buying mother’s day card:……Narcoleptic….Narcoleptic, sorry. Yeah she falls asleep a lot.

Guy 1: What happened last night? I don’t remember anything at all.
Guy 2: Bad things.
Guy 1: How bad?
Guy 2: I set someone on fire.
Guy 1: What the fuck!?
Guy 2: Yeah who knew Santa suits were flammable.
Guy: Did you get the morning after pill yet?
Girl: Yeah I went to boots.
Guy: Ok well… cya around!
Girl: This is the worst birthday ever.

“You shouldn’t really say you are sleeping with somebody because when you are having sex, at least one of you needs to be awake.”

Guy in the gym does a set, leans back on the window and just utters
“I’m so big time.”

Scary looking older lady talking on her phone in the Brunswick General Store: ‘I’m gonna smash her face in. Yeah. No I will, I’ll beat her right up. I don’t care if she’s my granddaughter: she’s a fat cow.’

Guy 1: It’s not fair though. I met a prostitute that makes more than me in a week.
Guy 2: Disgusting isn’t it
Guy 1: Yeh, student loans are a joke.
Guy 2: I was talking about prostitution…disgusting.

From a very stupid housemate: “essex is in essex isn’t it, like essex is a city in essex, right?”

History lecturer after a fat girl just got out the lift: “She probably should have used the stairs…”