Uni boffins reveal being a cheating scumbag could be genetic

Professors from Northumbria and Oxford University have teamed up to prove that lads and lasses may be genetically inclined to stray.

We all know someone who’s been the victim of a cheating loverat and we all know there’s not enough grovelling in the world that could ever make it okay.

But, what if instead of throwing around a meaningless apology with a mumble of “I was drunk” the phrase “it’s in my genes” becomes the standard excuse?

Our own Psychology Professor, John Manning has teamed up with Dr Rafael Wlodarski and Professor Robin Dunbar of Oxford University to find out whether leopards really can change their spots.

They began by asking 575 North American and British people about their attitudes towards casual sex, analysing each person’s golden number and emotional connection to their lovers.

Is he the one?!

The boffins then looked at the levels of testosterone in the womb before birth. Manning explains: “This is indicated by the length of the ring finger relative to the index finger.

“Long ring fingers equal high testosterone levels before birth, this is thought to indicate high sex drive and, in men at least, high fertility.”

But what about those fingers?

Unsurprisingly, the results revealed that gents are more likely to stray, with 57 per cent openly admitting to favouring no-strings attached sex, compared to a slightly better 47 per cent of ladies.

Results of the two-finger ratio (ahem) showed a similar pattern, with 62 per cent of men and 50 per cent of women possessing a long ring finger, making them more likely to seek pleasure elsewhere and get them into trouble with their slightly more faithful, other halves.

#majorplayer

This is the first study that links genetics to sexual promiscuity, something which us polys certainly aren’t lacking. But maybe that’s just the dirt cheap trebles bringing out the “top lad” in all of us.

It’s not just the boys we should be keeping an eye on though, with these findings firmly indicating that so-called ladies also like to play the field too.

But if men can do it, so can we right? Either way we’d have a fantastic excuse lined up to worm ourselves back into the fellas good books.

Playing the field?

John assures us that this isn’t the case, making it clear that people shouldn’t use this new-found data as an excuse to start misbehaving: “Scientists interested in Evolutionary Psychology are in the business of measuring and explaining behaviour. In this endeavour, we report data, we do not suggest ‘how’ people should behave.”

So if any boy (or girl) tries it on with you, make sure to analyse those fingers for more than one reason.

And if that doesn’t work for you and they still turn out to be a massive player you’re best off getting rid. After all, the tendency to be a bed-hopping twat is only in their nature.