Third year is breaking my soul and giving me a drinking problem

Third year syndrome has struck – the sense of panic without the motivation to do anything about it.

Productivity has hit an all time low and you’re crawling towards the finish line thinking of nothing but freedom and a fuck-load of alcohol.

These are the death stages of university that UCAS fail to advertise.

Fresh meat alcoholic

We’ve all jumped on the freshers bandwagon spending a week (or more) on a rollercoaster of emotions as a result of excessive binge drinking.

Soon enough you’re thrown back into a lecture hall trying to get through a day without hitting the SU and inevitably ending up on the Diamond Strip.

Our livers will hurt

Maybe it is alcoholism – but we aren’t even sorry.

‘I don’t like sleeping alone’

It might be the combination of being drunk and away from home but, either way, a lonely bed is far from appealing.

Up all night to get lucky

I’d much rather pick up a random than wake up spooning my leftover takeaway.

Realisation

It’s the end of semester and still nothing has been done.

The workload has racked up and the deadlines are fast approaching, but do we care?

Of course not, we’re too interested in getting our money’s worth of Netflix.

Professional procrastinator

You’ll do anything, and I mean ANYTHING, to avoid working.

Excuses of needing more sleep, needing to go to the gym because you’re getting fat, and even cleaning the toilet are a sign you need help.

Taking ugly selfies instead of doing work, and what?

By the time third year arrives you could be guaranteed a first in procrastination. If only.

Emotionally and mentally unstable

“I could cry.” “I need a drink.” “I can’t do this anymore.”

You want to drop out and you’re stressed. Everyone’s snappy and it just isn’t fun anymore.

But no matter how much work you have there’s always room for a few drinks. And by that I mean waking up with a cracking headache.

Victorious pisshead

You’ve survived university and handed the dreaded dissertation in.

Who even cares about the final grades when we have all the time in the world to get pissed.

I deserve this

That’s until you run out of your student loan and then realise how much you will miss university and all this free time.

Even more so the constant supply of alcohol which is so readily available and socially unacceptable in a full time job.