What your seat on the Magic Bus says about you

The magic bus is Manchester’s favourite mode of transport, place to nap and pre-ing destination. We live our lives by the rules and tribes founded on it. So, as we all use it all of the time, here is how you sit in the social hierarchy according the status of your seat.

Bottom Floor
I get it. You need to be somewhere in a hurry. Forsaking the scenic views of Rusholme from the top floor for the easy door access of the bottom. Sitting near the driver like a teacher’s pet may not get you a first but the extra 10 seconds you gain rushing for the door may scrape you a seat in the Ali G and a 2:1.

Mostly though you’re too earnest and preoccupied to enjoy the wonders of the Magic Bus.

The weird high seat at the front

Obviously this seat is scarily uncomfortable

Look at how weird this seat is, the impossibly small amount of legroom and extreme height scream of desperation. You’d have literally any other seat if it was on offer, but, alas, you’re way too tired to contemplate standing or anything other than sitting on your arse for the 40 minute ride back to your warm bed and a cup of PG Tips.

You’re probably cramped and shattered.

Back row downstairs

I’d give my MacBook Pro for a seat upstairs

This wasn’t your first choice was it?

We all know you want to be upstairs.

Sitting on the stairs

Backwards cap don’t care

Those who take their chances with this risky choice are obviously daredevils of truly heroic proportions. There are literally signs telling you not to sit here, and if having the driver flip his shit at you doesn’t add to your sense of reckless abandon then I don’t know what will. Your sense of adventure obviously makes up for your looks as one sharp brake and your nose is going to be about an inch shorter.

Bit of a risk taker.

Front of the top floor

I bet he’s hanging

Here you can find the seshers, bleary eyed and still a bit nauseous from the night before. They need to keep their eyes firmly on the road to avoid painting the inside of the bus an interesting shade of six-hour-old-Chesters. Talking about their intense comedown or epic hangover they went too hard the night before and need a bit of alone time. Just them, the road and a Spotify playlist.

Conclusion, you’re probably quite a sound guy with a pretty serious substance misuse problems.

Top Floor behind the stairs

More Road than Ladybarn Lane

Smuggled a can of Red Stripe on board? Well you can enjoy it with the other edgy kids sitting just behind the stairs, louchely using it as a footrest. If you’re wearing 50% sportswear you belong here as you’re definitely too cool to sit anywhere else.

Edgy lad.

Standing on top floor

‘Legends’ one and all.

What a legend. Like really aren’t you a ledge. The bus literally can’t handle the amount of banter you are bringing to Factory tonight so you’ve had to stand with your massive group of mates upstairs. The sheer number of friends you have out on this night out shows that you’re a social butterfly… and absolute ‘legend’.

Legend.

On a First Bus

If you get on you will lose friends

While your mates have splashed the cash for a Unirider you’re convinced that you won’t make 225 trips a year, so why not pay the quid for a cleaner, quieter and faster bus?
Well you’ll be riding alone for starters.

While you’ve finished your seminar you’re the only one riding back in style, the course mates you’ve just spent two hours debating North American urban theory with have caught a pricey Stagecoach – fuller, slower but infinitely more social. Enjoy your solitary bus-shaped palace, Larry.

Bit of a loner.

Top floor back of the bus

When the goss gets too much

No longer reserved for the cliché cool kids of secondary school anyone who can muster enough company can claim this prime territory. Facing each other and analysing the happenings of the night before – who got with whom, who chundered over what and spreading the never ending housemate gossip. If you’re sitting here the likelihood is you’ve got something to chat about and you aren’t afraid to dish the dirt.

Queen of Gossip.

Anywhere Else

Alright attention seeker

Whether you prefer isle or window, sunny side or shady side, upstairs or downstairs the chances are that many of your Manc memories were formed on this bus and the world feels just a little bit better when you’re speeding down Oxford Road to your Manchester home.

You love the Magic Bus.