The sad decline of the after party

We do alright in Manchester. Gorilla, Antwerp, Sankeys – wherever you go, chances are, it will be a fatty. So when your night gets cut short at 3am, even though it said 4am on the website, you’re desperate for your night to go on.

So what now? There’s a lot of people saying “after party back at ours”. Yeah mate, all sounds good, there’s just one problem – there is no such thing as a good after party in Manchester.

‘No one will realise you haven’t slept’

In many ways the Fallowfield after party is a myth. As soon as you get off the bus the temptation of Kebab King or Raj’s is often too much to overcome and chances are those cheesy chips will finish you off for the night.

Knowing that you have to get up for a 10am and you’re five seconds from your bed also tends to be a bit of a mood killer – you might as well just go to bed.

Besides, everyone knows you’re at your peak between the hours of 1am and 3am. It’s all down here from here.

Lively vibes

So what happens when the after-party rumours actually make it back home? Once two of your pissed flatmates have mysteriously disappeared (they’ll regret that tomorrow) and two others have passed out on the sofa (leaving you to make mindless small talk with that guy on their course) you’re probably left with a pretty poor turnout.

Can it be classified as a party when the onesies are out and your supplies of alcohol and nos are embarrassingly dry? These dead vibes are bringing you all down rapidly and it looks like it’s too late to save it. This is not the after party I had in mind.

Regardless of who’s in attendance, chances are you’ll just sit around chatting shit for an hour, maybe sharing a joint between 10 of you if you’re lucky. The “how do you feel?” “weird/fucked/dunno” Q&A will probably ensue before you all get a bit pissed off and decide to call it a day.

Obviously this isn’t always the case. Everyone knows the best after parties happen in summer. We’ve all been to a few decent after parties in our time, but how often do they actually happen? It’s time to be brutally honest with ourselves and admit that after parties are usually quite shit.