Eight things you always say you’ll do, but never actually do

Get fit, revise or just generally try harder. Don’t pretend this doesn’t apply to you

puff

We all do it. Make and promise and almost instantly go back on them, and university is hands down the worst place for it.

Only have one or two

This is how nearly every night starts. You’re persuaded to go out even though you have so much work to do and firmly tell your friends you’ll only be having one or two drinks. Soon, you’re necking back the pints.

Well they were on offer

Well they were on offer

Leading us on to the next promise you’ll never keep…

Never drink again

The night before you ended up drinking twice your weight in a bizarre mix of spirits, beer and wine. It isn’t long before you’ve lost control (and dignity) throwing up before you even leave for the club. You wake up the next morning feeling grim and claim you’ll never get on the bevs again.

That evening you arise from your room ready for pre drinks.

I think his night is over...

I think his night is over…

Do work in advance

This classic applies to 99.9% of students across the country. You’re set an assignment months in advance, so you’ll start it in a couple of weeks. Before you know it you’ve got two days to complete your work, you end up on an all nighter and your work ends up a bit shit. You literally utter “for my next piece, I’ll start it when it’s set.” when you hand it in. Next assignment, same old story.

That all nighter taking its toll

That all nighter taking its toll

Get fit

You tell your mum you’re not, but you are without a doubt acclimatised to a diet of pot noodles, Sainsbury’s basics beer and a kebab nearly five times a week. The weeks of abuse your body suffers through an appallingly balanced diet and copious amounts of booze begins to show when you’re unable to fit into your fave top from last summer. You’ll try and convince people that you’re going to get fit and healthy, especially for summer. You’ll even get an gym membership. But you soon see that this was just another politician claim and you soon you can’t remember whether it’s Armitage or Aquatics you’re a member of.

I didn't know you wanted some?

I didn’t know you wanted some?

Staying clean

With the unbelievably busy schedule of a student there is little time to keep even the smallest of areas tidy. Clothes have been left so long that they start to smell like wet dog and the floor becomes a myth. The kitchen is a different story as dishes that once were used for food grow enough bacteria to qualify for any bio lab. The living conditions become comparable of the Victorian working class and by the end of the academic year that plate from freshers is stuck to your desk. Hopefully the deposit wasn’t much?

Apparently theres a new life form in the sink?

Apparently theres a new life form in the sink?

Rumour has it there once was a floor

Rumour has it there once was a floor

Won’t spend too much

When the student loan comes in you feel as if you’ve won the lottery – there’s cash everywhere. On nights out you become that person/baller who gets the rounds in and you finally purchase those clothes and gadgets that you’d always wanted but never needed. You decide to check your balance and remember why you set up an overdraft. The promise that you’ll stop spending as much vanishes as quickly as your next loan instalment.

I knew I shouldn't have taken my card out

I knew I shouldn’t have taken my card out

Revise early for exams

If you revise to early you’ll forget it all. So obviously you begin to cram facts on a new level and you go into your exams sweating more than a marathon runner. The results come in and although you did alright you know you could have done better if you’d started revising earlier. But let’s be honest, you’re not going to.

Last minute revision notes...

Last minute revision notes…

Then trying to learn them

Then trying to learn them

Try harder next year

The year has finished and, although you had an amazing year socially, you know that you could have worked harder. Before you know it the next year has already started and sticking to this promise is like trying to skydive without a parachute.

Fresher's: start as you mean to go on

Fresher’s: start as you mean to go on

New year, new computer games

New year… new computer games