The Secret Life of Americans: uncovering the weirdest things that go on across the pond

We all know that there are a few key differences between the UK and their disgraced offspring, America. And now they have never been clearer, with recent outrage surrounding eggcups, and confused Brits posting social media updates on their distaste for American habits.

We should all just accept that there are some things about our friends across the pond that we will never understand; they may protest that they’re normal, but we know otherwise. To prove the point, The Tab has compiled a list of examples of instances where Americans are just plain wrong.

American cats are mostly kept indoors

Apparently, the general consensus in the USA is that you’re not meant to let your feline friends outside. Whilst cat owners in the UK let their pets hunt, sunbathe and generally roam around the great outdoors, their US counterparts often baulk at the thought that their precious itty bitty kitty might go outside and get injured. They’re oftentimes compared to toddlers who could get injured, with some sort of weird lack of comprehension that cats are WILD ANIMALS. As a result, felines in the US have a serious lack of freedom.

How ironically un-American.

Don’t even get me started on declawing…

They don’t put flakes in their ice creams

Apparently this is just a British thing, so Americans are really missing out. They may have Ben and Jerry’s, but they don’t have delectably creamy 99 flakes to stick in their ice cream, so they’re definitely missing out.

Perhaps American chocolate is just too gross to make into flakes?

Tax is added at the till

Picture this: you’re wandering around a ridiculously large Target in the US and you see an awesome cushion at an affordable price, $10.53. Think again. You’re in for a nasty surprise when you get to the till to pay, because American stores don’t list the VAT included price on the tag, so the amount you pay will almost definitely be more than $10.53.

It’s a lie

Electric kettles just aren’t really a thing

When I asked my American friend to describe what a kettle was to him, his answer was “a teapot that warms water on the stove.” Apparently this is a widespread opinion across the US, as electric kettles aren’t as widespread as they are in the UK.

Let’s be honest here, Americans are practically living in the Victorian times…

They clap at the end of movies at the cinema

There are no words to describe how weird this is. There. Is. No. One. There. To. Clap. For.

Who are they even appreciating? Why do they clap? I’m so confused.

Drug stores don’t actually sell drugs

I mean, they do, but that’s among a plethora of unrelated things. Think beef jerky, fidget spinners, beer, cigarettes and sellotape. They’re nothing like Boots, with the tiny meal deal fridge, alongside mainly pharmaceuticals and skincare; drug stores in the US go the whole way.

This seems like a good idea

They’ve been missing out on the joys of eggcups

This one has garnered a lot of attention in the media over the past couple of days, because apparently, lots of Americans have been missing out on a convenient addition to their kitchen apparatus; the humble egg cup. Somehow they’ve managed to dip their toast soldiers without spilling yolk everywhere, and for that I commend them. Nonetheless, they should probably just get with the times and update their kitchen cupboards.

Apparently they don’t have toast soldiers either