Which Lincoln boy you’ve dated based on your favourite Sour song
If you’ve dated the local who binned you off after one drink, we’re sorry that must’ve been brutal
Olivia Rodrigo released her debut album, on Friday the 21st and it has us all wishing to feel so heartbroken to feel the full effect of the lyrical masterpiece that is Sour.
Back in January, Olivia dropped her hit single Driver’s License and had us all belting out “RED LIGHTS, STOP SIGNS,” and none of us are complaining. She followed it up with two more tracks Deja vu and Good 4 u, anthems we all need to get over that one person who will never deserve a Quack duck.
If Olivia Rodrigo went to Lincoln Uni or BGU, and her album was based on her past relationships, these are the types of Lincoln boys each song would be about. If you feel a little called out, give the track a listen and think about your past mistakes.
Brutal: The local who only wants sex
It’s okay, we’ve all been there. You match with a 20-something on Tinder who lives in a random village in Lincolnshire and you think he’s extremely mature and ticks all the right boxes.
Don’t get me wrong, he does all the right things. Takes you out for dinner, pays for everything but then turns out to want only one thing. Unfortunately, he isn’t the one. God, it’s brutal out here.
Traitor – The random guy you fell in love with at Quack
You stumble to the bar after Mr Brightside finishes at Quack. You get shot a smile by a handsome second year who buys you a drink and it could be true love. The catch, he does this to anyone he can and he only bought you a VK.
You walk into Maccies, craving a chicken mayo to eat on a slow walk home, and you see him with his tongue down someone’s throat from BGU. What a traitor.
He didn’t cheat, but it was the ultimate betrayal. You don’t have a right to be angry at him but he’s still a traitor.
Drivers License – The sweet third year
Just like this song, you’ve been played over and over by this same type. He’s mysterious and studies architecture and wanders around the cathedral to get his perfect aesthetic for a piece.
He offers to take you around the Castle grounds and you oblige. Who cares if it’s up Steep Hill, he could be the one. Everything seems perfect for a week, even if your calves are in pain, but then he ghosts you and stops replying.
This wouldn’t be your first experience of this but nonetheless, you’re still top of his viewing list on Instagram and see him on a picnic date with that blonde girl on his course he told you not to worry about. But you’ve got to ask yourself, he enjoyed walking up Steep Hill so is it really that deep?
1 step forward, 3 steps back: The boy you should have gotten rid of
You should have binned this boy off ages ago. It was toxic for the both of you and it didn’t seem either of you were actually happy. Every time you were together you were left wondering if he even loved you or hated you. Nobody deserves that.
Even if the good times were so very good, you always doubted yourself, asking whether you were pretty enough for them. You were truly one step forward and three steps back.
Deja vu: The one who always pulls
No matter what bar or club he’s in, he always knows what to say to a girl and drink he knows will do the trick. Each time you see him, it’s like deja vu. Did you see what I did there?
He has the same routine each time he goes out, and never walks back with his mates when the night is over. It’s probably worked on you, if it hasn’t it may be best to steer clear.
Good 4 u: The fitty you met at Superbull and had a great connection with
You danced on each floor with him and it was the best time of your life since Freshers’ Week. You forgot to get his Snapchat and have exhausted your Instagram detective skills and hope to see him again the week after. You drag your housemates out in hopes of finding Mr Right, but see him with another girl. Big sad.
You’re not bitter at all, and all you can think about is throwing a McDonald’s milkshake at him when the night is over Nigel Farage style. Oh well, he wasn’t that fit anyway.
Enough for you – The deep one who sits with the geese
He’s searching for someone for that spiritual connection and spouts random nonsense about not being on the same wavelength as you, emotionally. You couldn’t compete with his ex-girlfriend who was the only person who “understood” him.
He definitely thinks he’s the main character and made you feel you weren’t enough for him. Screw him.
Happier – The right person at the wrong time
Out of anyone you’ve spoken to or been with, he topped the lot and you haven’t completely gotten over him, and that’s okay. He had the kindest soul and you shared a hot chocolate and churros at the Lincoln Christmas Markets and had the cutest dates at The Swan.
Although you ended on the best of terms, you hope that he isn’t happier with whoever he ends up with after you. Maybe message him and see what he is up to these days.
Jealousy, jealousy – The one everybody on campus knows
No matter where you are with him, everybody knows him. You can never have a quiet date with just the both of you without someone coming over to say hello.
Despite it not seeming like the end of the world, you can’t help but feel yourself get an overwhelming sense of jealousy anytime another person looks his way when you’re trying to have a lowkey pint in Towers.
Favourite crime – The guy you met during Welcome Week you’ll never forget
You both had a blast. You somehow ended up in a trolley with a traffic cone on your head, thinking you were both absolute rebels. A Bonnie and Clyde couple for sure. But then a summer apart and you’re back for your second year, messing about at 3am in a trolley isn’t that fun for you anymore.
You probably should’ve stayed away from him, he stole your heart like it was his favourite crime but the moment you want to grow up, he’s off reliving his freshers experience once more. Your flatmates definitely told you to stay away, but who cares right? It was a laugh.
If you haven’t had this album on repeat, get onto Spotify now and enjoy 34 minutes of heartbreak. Who cares if you’re in the healthiest relationship ever or have never been in love, it doesn’t matter.