Edward Boyle Exposed

With Facebook friends in excess of 3,000, this library deserves a platform to share its wisdom and views.

As super serious journalists, we felt it was important to interview the Facebook Edward Boyle.

Tab + Eddy = match made in heaven

The Tab: You’re a library – is it not a bit attention-seeking and unnecessary for you to have Facebook?

Eddy B: My purpose is to facilitate the development of the students who come through my doors! Students read books, so I stocked them. Then they all got into computers, so I provided computers for them to use, now most of them spend most of their time in me on Facebook, so it was a natural progression.

My page also facilitates the absolutely necessary naming and shaming of miscreants and undesirables conducting themselves inappropriately!

Tab: Why did you refuse to let other papers interview you but let the Tab have the privilege instead?

Eddy B: Because other uni newspapers strike me as being self appointed and self important. They dump hundreds of copy’s outside my doors for people with nothing better to do than read them whilst smoking. I see my loyal users on every level actively seeking out the Tab online.

Tab: Do you get jealous that the Brotherton is better looking than you?

Eddy B: No, my visitors are staggeringly better looking than his.

Prime example of Eddy B’s staggeringly good looking visitors

Tab: What do you think of the decision to open libraries for 24 hours during exam period? 

Eddy B: I don’t mind particularly, the pissed guys who really believe their friends would love a visit on the way back from a night out liven things up a bit.

The people who think no-one knows they are masturbating when they are in the loos for 15 minutes are more prominent in the twilight hours though..

Tab: How do you feel about the ‘students caught shagging in the library’ saga? 

Eddy B: Unphased, as an occurrence it isn’t too uncommon.

Sexciting library antics at their best

In the good old days food science students used to be hounded out via Facebook, kettle carrying noodle brewsters used to be identified on my wall and both fitties and fatties were singled out with gusto.

Detailing the disgraceful actions of fellow library users online is university democracy in action, and more people care about them than about the union’s sodding interfere-endums.

Tab: Do you have any other scandalous library antics to fill us in on?

Eddy B: Too many.. the less said about the uses that some disabled loos are put to the better.

Out and out punch ups over plug sockets and computer accessories are always good for a laugh too.

Tab: Do you have any particular pet peeves about how some students treat you? 

Eddy B: Health food in tupperware. I don’t mind people eating, but cous-cous and Riveta being picked at over a period of hours just annoys me!

People who take modafinil/Ritalin and walk around like gurning tv show presenters.

Unwashed people.

Over washed people.

People who wear public school embossed sportswear.

Can’t be angry at The Tab – we always listen to and appreciate Eddy

Tab: Favourite alcoholic beverage?

Eddy B: Can’t go wrong with strawpedo-ing a cheeky Smirnoff Ice!

Tab: Favourite club in Leeds?

Eddy B: Tequila – its regulars are my politest and most attractive users, and they are always back in on a Friday having showered, which is more than can be said for the scum that go to Mission.

Well, we know what clubs our dear library doesn’t like..

Tab: How do you feel about the new kid on the block – the new library?

Eddy B: If next years Freshers are even worse than this years, he is welcome to them! I could not ask for anymore than the eye-candy on Level Flirteen!