Which Lancaster icon would be the best Valentine?
Ever wanted to date a duck?
With Valentine’s Day just around the corner, love is definitely in the Lancaster air, which makes a nice change from the smell of manure in South-West campus. This Valentine’s you might have your sights set on a more famous potential date, and honestly we can’t blame you. It’s the best solution to asserting your dominance in the Lancaster hierarchy, so we’ve compiled a list of the worst to the best Lancaster icons to help you choose your celebrity valentine.
There’s no doubt that you’d decide to let the 100 down gently after the first date. Completely unreliable, you’d never be able to guarantee they’d show up for you, and when they did eventually turn up, you’d spend your date uncomfortable and stressed out. Yes, the 100 can show you some beautiful sights from Bowerham’s hills, but it’s probably not worth the trouble it causes.
Charity Wristband Men
As a staple of Lancaster’s high street, they’d probably be a lot of fun on a date. The only problem is they’d definitely use the date as an opportunity to sell you one of their wristbands, and it’s really difficult to say no. RIP to your bank account.
You need to be into a certain few things to want to date the Sugarmouse. If the fact they’re elusive, mute and a MOUSE ticks your boxes, then who are we to judge? We’re sure you could stomach its intimidating stare in the hope of a few free VKs.
Large and erect, this is the perfect Valentine’s one-night stand. Let’s be honest though, Bowland Tower would end up as the most toxic situationship you’ve ever had. You could find your home there, and you’d never be short of places to sleep, but they’d kick you out the next morning. Perhaps if you’re looking for a bit more fun this Valentine’s, Bowland Tower is your perfect match.
Norma the Tree
A true Lancaster icon, she could show you around the library’s Dewey Decimal system and the natural sights on campus. You’d have to be a big fan of foliage to date Norma, but she’s a dark horse at heart and could show you a good time.
You can guarantee they’d take you on a lovely campus walk and steal some Greggs crumbs for you. They wouldn’t be afraid to fight off any competition, and as their date, you’d be high up in the uni hierarchy. Honestly, you can’t go wrong with choosing a duck as your date.
Imagine the gossip you’d hear! You could learn all the Lancaster horror stories AND have a lovely date. What else could you want?
The Underpass Bus Ticket Man
Honestly, he might be one of the sweetest human beings to grace Lancaster’s campus. It’s undeniable that he’d be a caring and lovely date, and would 100 per cent treat you right. He’d show you how his machine works and give you all of the Lancaster bus facts and gossip. If you’re looking for a wholesome and knowledgeable Valentine, we’re certain he’d be it.
Isaac from Sultans
Aren’t “hello my friend” the most sensual words you’ve ever heard? Let’s face it, we know he’d be the perfect date. He’d treat you right and make sure you stayed hydrated. Not to mention that he works in a restaurant, so there’s a guarantee of food. If you don’t want a second date because of his charms, you might as well stick around for the food.