Everything you need to know about being that performative England ‘supporter’ during the World Cup

Guess what? It’s coming home! Who cares that we’ve said that for the last sixty years, this is our year. Hopefully. So it’s time to jump on the bandwagon as the massive football fan you are.

If you haven’t got into the World Cup spirit yet now is the perfect time to start. A sunny day is normally a student’s excuse for the pub, but an England football match on a sunny day? This is a whole new level.

Don’t worry if you’ve never watched a football match in your life, are only here for Jude Bellingham, or fancy yourself a football expert. This is everything you need to know about being the most committed England supporter. Or at least how to look like one…

The pub

Ah, the pub, arguably the staple of English football culture. If you want everyone knowing that you are in fact a true England fan, then not heading for a pint (or five) is getting off to a pretty poor performance.

So make sure you’re ready at the local with a glass in hand for kick off.

Make sure to be obnoxiously loud about every decision the Ref makes. Firstly, the VAR team can absolutely hear you through the screen and, secondly, everyone around you will think you are blessed with amazing football intellect.

Who cares if you still don’t quite understand the offside rule if you can shout loud enough. If you want to go a step further, why not start shouting at Tuchel directly? They might just hire you as a coach. (Warning: Southgate is no longer the England manager, do NOT shout at him, your cover WILL be blown).

To take it to a whole new level, you should absolutely throw your drink in the air to prove your support. Yes, you are so committed to England that you will waste that £7 pint. Sacrifices have to be made.

Social media

Showing off your England support to just those people in the pub is not enough. Everyone online needs to see it too. So have a meticulous photoshoot for all your followers to see just how much of an England supporter you are.

Bonus points if you put ‘Three Lions’ or even ‘Wonderwall’ as the song in the background.

If you don’t make it to the pub, hope is not lost for your performative England supporter career! You must master the art of the repost.

This includes reposting some TikToks or reels about the match to prove that you really did watch it (didn’t you?).

Don’t forget to post the results on your story too so that you really convince everyone that ‘Wow, this guy knows what they’re talking about!’. Who needs a news source or even to watch the game when you are posting the results on your story! The true football expert!

England attire

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Going to the pub and posting about it means nothing if you don’t look the part. By that I am talking about some classic knock-off England shirts because who has £90 to spend on an official one?

The less money you spend on a shirt, the more money you save for those pints you’re going to be chucking in the air.

Grab anything with the three lions badge on it and ‘ENGLAND’ written across it and you will blend right in. Who cares that the fabric feels so thin that it’ll disintegrate in the wash. The most important part is that you show off your hardcore commitment.

If you’ve left it to the day of, it’s time to head to Primark kids section. Baby tees anyone?!

Become the tactic expert

You have to assert dominance over your friends to show you are a proper supporter. The only way to do this is to perform a half time analysis.

About five minutes of tactical TikTok research should do it. Nobody will challenge your claim if you say it with enough confidence. This is the key to hiding your true desire to thirst over Jude Bellingham.

Laugh at the person who asked ‘When is Grealish coming on?’ despite also not knowing that he hasn’t been in the team for the last two years.

Actually, just laugh along with everyone else no matter what. If it is you that has made a fatal mistake and almost ruined your cover, then just laugh along too. You were joking! Of course you were joking…

You ARE a Liverpool fan

If anyone dares to challenge the legitimacy of your support or even your status as a football fan, always whip out the fact that you totally support Liverpool. You’ve definitely watched countless matches (doesn’t matter if they were just on in the background at the pub).

You even went to the Liverpool parade last year and even purchased another fake shirt for the occasion. Even throw in that you applied to Liverpool specifically because of the football team. How can they challenge that?

Follow these tips and you’ll really convince everyone that you are a true England supporter and not at all only here for next three weeks. Get out there and enjoy the sun, a beer and maybe some football if you can actually see the screen.